


How To Meet Your Soulmate

by Lemnirat



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Amsterdam, Badass Peridot, Bullying, Disabled Character, F/F, Past Abuse, Piercings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prosthesis, Trans Character, Violence, mention of drug use, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-17 22:32:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9349199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemnirat/pseuds/Lemnirat
Summary: Lapis meets a pretty cool stranger on the bus.





	1. Strangers On A Bus

„Mom, I'm sure it's going to be okay. I'm just gonna sit in this bus for the next 6 hours, I'll probably die of boredom. I'll text you when I've arrived.“ Lapis grabbed her backpack and hugged her mother reasuringly.  
„I'll be back in a few days. Love you.“ She waved her goodbye as she went up the stairs of the bus, she handed the bus driver her ticket, he nodded and she turned around to look at the rows of seats. Since she spent so much time saying goodbye to her mother she was the last one to get into the bus and there were only two seats left. One was next to a young man reading a book. The other one was further in the back next to a blonde, short haired girl wearing headphones, but that seat was occupied by that girls backpack so she guessed that seat was already taken or she just didn't want to be bothered. Lapis didn't really feel comfortable sitting next to a man she didn't know for such a long time but she guessed it would be fine since she didn't really have to interact with him, so she sat down beside him.  
He looked her up and down, smirking. „Well, hello there beautiful.“  
Okay, this was already getting uncomfortable. She decided to just ignore his comment, put her headphones on and listen to some music. About an hour later the guy tried to get her attention again by repeatedly waving his book in front of her face. Slightly annoyed, she took her headphones off, looking at him to signal that he had her attention.  
„Hey baby, I thought maybe we could talk a bit. I mean, I'm gorgeous, your gorgeous, there's obviously no one else in this bus worth talking to.“  
What the hell was wrong with this guy.  
„... No thanks.“  
„Oh come on baby. Why not?“  
Lapis looked back over her shoulder at the seat next to the blonde girl, thinking about just getting up and asking if she could sit there instead. In that moment the girls eyes met hers. It was just for a split second but after that the girl grabbed her backpack and put it on her lap so the seat next to her was empty. Was that an invitation? Lapis tried to make eye contact with her again to confirm this thought but the other girl just stared out the window, completely ignoring her again.  
Suddenly Lapis felt something on her right leg. She looked down to find the mans hand on her thigh.  
Nope, no way was she gonna sit next to this guy for the next 6 hours.  
She pushed his hand away forcefully.  
„Fuck off!“  
He looked extremely offended and people were staring at her now but she didn't care. There was only one person who wasn't staring. Maybe she didn't hear Lapis yelling because she was wearing headphones.  
She grabbed her backpack and made her way to the other now free seat. After a few seconds of being ignored by the other girl she sat down. With her own blue backpack set down in front of her she turned to her.  
„Thanks.“ Lapis said even though she probably couldn't hear her. To her surprise the girl gave her a quick glance, expression not changing before focusing her attention out the window again. Lapis took the oportunity to take a closer look at her.  
She was wearing a dark green hoodie, some black Jeans and green sneakers. There were several rings on her hands and she was wearing a necklace with a small green gem. The red and black plaid backpack on her lap was covered in buttons of all sorts. After taking a closer look Lapis found a few videogame and comic themed ones but also one or two with rainbows on them which made her curious. Her hair was messy and short, she had a few freckles and was wearing a pair of black glasses. She was actually pretty cute... Lapis couldn't stop the thought. Trying to distract herself she looked out the window but when she did her eyes met the girls green ones in the reflection. Lapis quickly looked away. How long had the girl been looking at her? Had she caught her staring? Perfect, now Lapis was the creep!  
Lapis didn't dare to look at her again so she decided to read something on her cellphone instead. Another 2 hours passed without either of them saying anything. For the last 30minutes or so Lapis caught the guy from before staring at her, sometimes even making obscene gestures. She tried to ignore him but after 10 more minutes it just got too much for her. With her fists clenched she was about to stand up to tell him off when suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. Lapis flinched at the sudden contact.  
She turned around to see the girl looking at her.  
„Sorry, could you please let me through and watch my stuff for a minute? I want to get a drink.“ She had lowered her headphones so they hung around her neck. There were several piercings on both of her ears. Lapis was so distracted by suddenly hearing her voice that she forgot her own plan.  
„Oh, yeah, of course.“ She stood up so the girl could get through and then sat back down on her own seat again, watching her get a small bottle of water and two energy drinks from a box close to the drivers seat. Now that the girl was standing Lapis realized she was relatively short, at least in comparison to herself. She started walking back in Lapis direction but instead of just going back to her seat she stopped in front of the man that had harassed her before. His attention fell from Lapis to the short blonde in front of him.  
„What?“ he asked, looking annoyed.  
She didn't say a word and instead opened the bottle of water and continued to pour all it's contents over his head and his book. „Hey, what the fuck?! Who do you think you are?!“  
„If you don't stop, and you know what I mean, you're going to have a bigger problem than a ruined book, you understand?“ her voice sounded calm and collected but Lapis could see that her jaw was clenched and the bottle in her hand was crackling under all that pressure.  
Lapis was completely in shock. Did she do that for her? Did she pay that much attention? She had to admit that was pretty cool. No one had ever done that for her and she didn't even know this girl.  
The man quickly glanced at the bus driver who seemed to be ignoring the whole situation and then looked back at the blond in front of him.  
„Fine.“ he said through gritted teeth.  
He flinched as the girl threw the empty bottle on his lap. She walked up to Lapis.  
„Thanks for watching my stuff for me.“ she said as Lapis let her squeze past her to her seat.  
„Here, this is for you.“ she handed Lapis one of the energy drinks. Lapis hesitated because all she could do was just stare at the girl.  
„...It's fine if you don't want to-“  
„No no, sorry.“ Lapis snapped out of her shocked state and quickly took the can out of the girls hand. „...Thanks, that was... really cool of you.“  
The girl shrugged „No problem, really. I just can't stand guys like him.“  
„My name is Lapis by the way.“ Lapis stretched out her hand, the girl took it and smiled at her. Lapis thought her heart would explode.  
„Lapis, huh? My name is Peridot.“ when she let go of her hand Lapis felt a sudden sting in her heart. If only she could have held the girls hand for longer... She quickly shook her head trying to shake off such thoughts. Lapis knew she was gay since she was 16, but god damn it she was 23 now, she should have her feelings under control by now, right?  
Peridot looked away again, taking a few sips of her energy drink. Lapis wasn't sure how she could keep the conversation going so she looked down at her own energy drink, hands fidgeting, trying to think of an interesting topic.  
„So, you're going to Amsterdam I guess?“ Lapis looked up to find Peridots eyes on hers, a questioning look on her face. It took her a while to respond, it was just so surreal to her that such a cool girl would actually be interested in talking to her.  
„Uhm... yeah.“ she gulped, struggling to keep eye contact. „Just taking a small vacation from work.“ perfect Lapis, could you sound any more boring... „And you?“  
„Oh, you know, just trying to get away for a bit.“  
Not knowing what else to say Lapis opened her own energy drink and took a few sips.  
„Mmm, this is actually really good. I've never had this brand before.“  
„Glad you like it. It's my favorite actually. I probably drink too much energy drinks to be honest.“ Lapis stared as Peridot brought her own can up to her lips, tilted her head back and took a big gulp, all while keeping her eyes on Lapis. Lapis flushed and quickly looked away again.  
„Next stop: Venlo Stationsplein.“ the automatic voice announced after a few seconds of silence.  
„That's my stop actually.“ Peridot quickly emptied her can in a few big gulps and put it in her backpack, looking at Lapis expectantly.  
She just looked back for a few seconds before realizing what the other girl wanted from her.  
„Oh, of course. Sorry.“ She quickly stood up, letting Peridot through, but just when both of them were standing the bus suddenly came to a halt. Lapis grabbed the back of her seat so she didn't fall over, Peridot on the other hand stumbled and out of reflex grabbed on to Lapis for support. Lapis whole body tensed at the contact. Realizing what she was doing Peridot quickly let go.  
„Shit, I'm so sorry.“  
„...it's fine.“ was all Lapis could say, all of her muscles still tensed up, adrenaline rushing through her. Peridot looked at her, concerned.  
„So... it was nice meeting you. I gotta go. Bye.“ then the blonde girl turned around and was gone.  
Lapis just stood there for several seconds till the voice of the bus driver pulled her back to reality.  
„If this is not your stop, please sit back down.“ she saw him looking at her through his rear view mirror and quickly sat back down on her seat.  
So this was it, huh? She would never see Peridot again. This was just her luck, meeting someone she was actually interested in in a situation like this. They didn't even exchange numbers. Would Peridot have even given her her number? Maybe she was just nice to her because she felt sorry for her and didn't want anything else to do with her as soon as she left the bus... Well, there was no point thinking about this further so Lapis put her headphones back on and tried to drown out her thoughts by turning up her music. Now that she was relaxed she realized just how tired she actually was. She was used to sleeping in till noon and she'd been awake since 6am so she could catch this stupid bus. Not to mention all the stress her poor heart had to go through today... It didn't take long and she was fast asleep.


	2. The Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis wants to get some rest in her hotel room but finds herself distracted
> 
> The song playing is Teardrop by Massive Attack

It took Lapis a while to find her hotel after reaching her destination. When she did she wanted nothing more than to sleep even though it was only about 3pm. The hotel started serving dinner at 5pm so she guessed she could just take a two hour nap in her room.  
Her room was on the third floor of the large building. It wasn't anything fancy, just a room with a white double bed, a tv, a small table with two chairs, a tiny bathroom and just enough room to walk between the furniture. The view from her window wasn't anything special either, just a little pond with ducks and some trees.  
Still, it was one of the more expensive rooms in the building since there were also shared bedrooms with community bathrooms. Lapis prefered her privacy and a big bed and was willing to pay a bit more for that kind of luxury. The hotel also had an indoor pool which was one of the reasons she picked it, besides being gay-friendly.

She didn't know what it was about sitting in a moving vehicle for hours but it made her absolutely exhausted. The bit of sleep she got in the bus was just making her even more tired.  
After putting her suitcase in a corner and her backpack on one of the chairs she flopped down on the bed. It was actually really comfortable. She decided to just sleep in her clothes for now and shower and change later before she went to dinner.

The moment she lay down and closed her eyes though all she could see were those beautiful green eyes...  
„Ughhh, come on!“  
Frustrated she grabbed the pillow beside her and put it over her head. At this rate she would'nt be able to sleep at all today. What was it about this girl that she couldn't stop thinking about her?  
Maybe it was her cute freckles. Or her messy blond hair. Or the way she smiled at her.  
„No! I'm making it worse, damn it!“

After rolling around in bed for about an hour without sleep she decided it wasn't worth it and it would be better to just get up and distract herself.  
Taking a shower only gave her more time to think but afterwards she finally felt more awake. While drying her short brown hair she looked in the mirror realizing how boring it looked. She should definitely do something about that.  
Putting on a white tanktop, her favorite blue flannel shirt, some blue jeans and black converse she was ready to leave her room.

But first she had to make sure her valuables were safe.  
It's not like she didn't trust the hotel staff but during the check-in they had made very clear that a hotel room was not a safe and that they couldn't be held responsible if anything went missing.  
There was an option to rent a safe but Lapis decided against it. She could just leave her suitcase in her room, she doubted that anybody would steal her clothes. All her valuables were in her backpack anyway so she could just take it with her whenever she left.  
So she grabbed her backpack and made her way down to the large room on the ground floor where they served all the meals.

There were so many people and Lapis didn't know a single one of them. She hated crowds anyway and not having anyone she could turn to was making it even worse.  
She would have just turned around and left if it wasn't for the fact that she hadn't really eaten anything since this morning.  
There weren't many people in line to get food right now so she decided to just quickly grab some sandwhiches and a soda and sit down on a small table in the corner of the room next to a large window with her backpack beside her.  
When she looked outside she realized it was just starting to rain. It was strangely calming to just watch the drops hit the glass besides her.

♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ ♪

First Lapis ignored the music that suddenly started playing. It was probably just someones phone.  
It took her nearly a whole minute to realize it was actually coming from her own backpack.

♫ „Love, love is a verb  
Love is a doing word  
Fearless on my breath“ ♪

She bent down, opened it and pushed some of her belongings aside to fnd a small buzzing cellphone.

♫ „Gentle impulsion  
Shakes me, makes me lighter  
Fearless on my breath“ ♪

It was green and had a yellow star keychain attached to it. How did this get in here? This wasn't hers.

♫ „Teardrop on the fire  
Fearless on my breath“ ♪

„What the hell...?“ Lapis wasn't sure what to do.  
Should she just let it ring or should she pick it up?  
Maybe the cellphones owner was calling. Then she should definitely pick it up. But maybe it was a private call. She didn't want to hurt anyones privacy.  
She grabbed the phone to take a closer look when she heard footsteps aproaching her.  
Lapis nearly fell off her chair the moment she looked up because someone was standing right in front of her, a cellphone in one hand and the other hand outstreched towards her. When they clicked a button on their own cellphone, the one in Lapis hand stopped ringing.

„I think that's mine.“ Lapis heart skipped a beat at the sound of the familiar voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very short chapter  
> I want to upload at least once every 2 weeks and since I'm a slow writer the chapters will probably all be around 900-1000 words


	3. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot introduces Lapis to her roommate
> 
> Edit: Made this chapter longer because it wouldn't really fit in the next one

Looking up at her, Lapis saw the girl smiling, green eyes looking directly into her blue ones.  
It was like time was frozen. She just sat there, phone still in hand. Peridot had changed into a white band shirt with a black jacket, boots and cargo pants.

Lapis made a mental note to stop staring so much after realizing Peridot was still waiting for her phone back.  
She slowly put the cellphone in her outstreched hand, careful that their hands wouldn't touch because she wasn't sure if she could handle that right now.

Peridot took it and put it in her jacket.

„Sorry, I guess it fell out of my pocket and into your backpack when we bumped into each other on the bus... are you alright?“ Peridots smile became a look of concern. It was only then that Lapis realized she still hadn't said a single word since the other girl showed up.

„Uhm, yeah. I'm just surprised to see you here since you got out in Venlo.“

The blonde smiled again at that. „I just had some... business to attend to. I'm actually staying in this hotel as well.“ She looked around curiously. „Aren't you eating with your roommates?“

„I have a room of my own and I came alone so...“ Now that she said it out loud it sounded pretty sad. But Lapis wasn't really sad about it. She wasn't really great at interacting with other people if that wasn't obvious by now and even prefered to be alone most of the time.

„Oh... uhm, do you want to sit with us then? It's just me and my roomate over there.“ She pointed at someone a few tables away. Lapis couldn't make out much from this distance, just bleached hair and a purple hoodie. After realizing they were looking at them the figure waved and Peridot gave a quick wave back. „So what do you say?“

Her anxiety told her no but something else inside of her told her that she would regret it forever if she declined now. And if life had taught her one thing it's that you always regret the things you didn't do way more than the things you did. I mean, she got another chance after thinking she would never see Peridot again. That had to mean something, right? On the other hand this was probably just because she felt bad for her again and had nothing to do with Peridot genuinely being interested in her. „Are you sure it's okay?“

„Of course I am. I can help you carry your stuff if you want.“

„Only if it doesn't bother you...“

„It's no big deal really.“ The blonde grabbed Lapis' backpack and made her way over to the table where her roomate was waiting.  
Lapis quickly picked up her plate and soda and followed her, still nervous about this new stranger. She didn't like meeting new people, she never knew what to say so most people assumed she wasn't interested and just gave up talking to her altogether.

„Hey, Ame. Here's your phone back. Thanks again for that, dude. You're a life saver.“ Peridot handed her roommate the cellphone she had used to call earlier.

„No problem Peri. So, who's your friend?“

„Ame, this is Lapis. She sat next to me on the bus on our way here. And this weird guy is Ame.“ Ame stood up to shake hands and Lapis quickly took it. This wasn't so bad. He seemed really nice. She was still cautious around strangers, though. She had made some bad experiences in the past that didn't exactly make her feel safe around new people. 

„Nice to meet you.“ he said before sitting down again. He was about as tall as Peridot Lapis noticed.

„You too. Is it okay if I sit with you?“

„Sure. Take a seat.“ Lapis took a seat on the short side of the table with Peridot to her left and Ame to her right. Similiar to her plate Peridot only had a sandwhich and some fruit on hers. Ame on the other hand had multiple plates in front of him, all of them overflowing with different kinds of food. How could anyone eat this much food?

„Pretty cool coincidence heh Peri?“ Ame rested his head on his hand and smiled over at Peridot who was currently chewing on her sandwhich.

Peridot quickly swallowed and nearly choked on her food, now coughing and blushing. „Huh?“

„I just mean the thing with the cellphone. The fact that the person who had it was even in the same room as us when you called it.“ Ame did not take his eyes off Peridot. Her reaction seemed to amuse him.

„Yeah, things like that happen.“ Peridot was still blushing, not looking at either of them and instead quickly taking another bite from her sandwhich.

„I'm sorry if you tried to call it earlier... I didn't even realize I had it.“ She felt kind of bad for not finding it sooner, because if it would have been her own cellphone missing she would have probably panicked. Peridot must have been pretty worried realizing it was gone, not knowing where it was.

„No, it's fine.“ The blonde gave her a reasuring smile. „I just got here and before that I didn't have another phone to call it with. This was the first chance I got. And I got it back right away so it wasn't that bad.“

„Are you sure you didn't steal it?“ Ame's sudden comment startled Lapis.

She hadn't even thought of the possibility of them thinking she actually stole it. I mean, it made sense that they would think that, but she would never steal anything. They couldn't know that though. „What? No, I swear I didn't steal it, I-“

„Ame!“ Peridot snarled at him and quickly shifted in her seat. Ame flinched at that, Lapis asumed she had kicked him under the table.

„Ow! Oh come on, I'm just messing with you.“ He stuck his tongue out at Lapis.

The blondes expression softned again the moment she looked in her direction. „Don't worry, I didn't think you stole it. I can be an idiot sometimes-“

„What do you mean, sometimes?“ Ame got another kick under the table for that.

Lapis decided to just drop the subject. The way those two interacted made her... she wouldn't say she was jealous but... yeah, who was she kidding? She was jealous.  
„Uhm, may I ask how you two met? You seem very close.“

At the question both of them snapped out of their little angry stare contest.  
Ame looked at Peridot as if unsure what to say. Lapis felt like she might have overstepped a boundary and was about to apologize when finally Peridot spoke up.

„We grew up together. You could say we're siblings.“ She didn't seem comfortable with saying any more than that and Lapis didn't mind. Hearing that they were just siblings calmed her jealousy a bit.

After making sure Peridot was done and satisfied with her answer Ame spoke up.  
„Okay, my turn. How did you two meet exactly?“ He motioned to her and Peridot.

„I told you she was sitting next to me on the bus.“

He looked between the two curiously, now focusing his attention on Lapis.  
„That can't be everything.“

„Uhm.“ She wasn't sure if she should tell him what happened since Peridot obviously hadn't and there might be personal reasons for that. Ame had put his head on his hands as if waiting for a story. She turned to the blonde trying to ask for permission in some way.

Peridot put her face in her hands, sighing.  
„He won't shut up about it if we don't tell him.“

Lapis voice was still unsure when she turned back to him. „Well... you could say she told a guy off who was harassing me.“

„Way to go, Peri! What did you do?“ Ame seemed super excited about this, now turning his attention back to his sister.

Peridot gave Lapis a quick glance through her fingers before turning her gaze downwards, slightly blushing. „I poured a whole bottle of water over his head and basically told him to fuck off.“

„Oh wow, my sister the badass!“ Ame patted Peridot on the shoulder.

Peridot cleared her throat, taking her hands from her face. „Well, anyways. I had to get out soon after so we didn't have much time to chat.“

„Oh, right. That reminds me; did you get what you needed?“ Ames ecxitement had calmed down again and he was now focusing back on his food.

„Yes.“ Was the only answer he got, Peridot now also getting back to finishing her sandwhich.

It seemed like a private matter so Lapis didn't ask what they were talking about. They all finished their food in relative silence. When they were done they all still had something to drink which ment there was still a little time to chat.

„I don't remember seeing you on the bus Ame. Didn't you travel together?“ Lapis was genuienly curious. 

„We don't live together anymore. I live in America with the rest of our little family.“

Peridot took a sip of her drink before turning to Lapis. „I only moved to europe a few months ago actually. What about you?“

„Me, too. Before that I lived in California. But I was born in Hawaii.“ She wasn't sure why she always added that. Maybe because it made her sound more interesting... at least she thought so.

„Hawai, huh? Cool, how is it there?“ Now both of them looked expactantly at Lapis. She wasn't sure what to think about getting this much attention. It was the longest conversation she had in months. It felt pretty nice knowing someone cared about what she had to say but it also made her nervous.

„Wish I could tell you. We moved away when I was just a few months old.“ They never told her why exactly they moved away but she guessed it had something to do with her fathers job at the time. He owned a large construction company in America that he wanted her to work at when she was old enough. It never mattered what she wanted...

„What a shame. I bet a surfboard would suit you.“ Ame winked at her.  
She guessed it was just his playful nature and not actual flirting.

„I actually did surf. We still lived really close to the ocean before we moved to europe.“

Ame seemed to have a hard time sitting still for longer periods of time. He nearly stood up out of excitement when he spoke again. „That's awesome! I'm not too bad at surfing myself. Speaking of water; you know there's a pool here, right? Wanna try it out together tomorrow morning?“

He was so energetic. She wasn't sure how to deal with that but his nearly constant excitement was kind of contagious. She wanted to try out the pool tomorrow anyway and if it could be combined with spending more time with Peridot than that was just a bonus. „Yeah, sounds good. What about you Peridot?“ She turned to the blonde expectantly.

„Uhm...“ The look on Ame's face told her she had asked something she shouldn't... again.

„I'm fine, thanks. I'm not exactly the best swimmer. I'm very good at sinking though.“ Peridot didn't seem to mind answering but gave her a sad smile.

„Sorry, P...“ Ame looked guilty now.

„It's okay, really. You two go. There's a place I wanna check out, too. Maybe we can meet up later?“ 

Ame nodded, then turned to Lapis. „That okay for you?“

Lapis had accepted the invitation to the pool expecting that Peridot would come along as well. She was disappointed to say the least but Ame was such a nice guy, it would be rude to back out now. And it would probably still be more fun than going alone so... „Yeah, sure.“


	4. The City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Ame go for a swim and meet up with Peri in the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, sorry this took a while. I was kind of having a self identity crisis so that's my excuse.

The next morning Lapis decided to put her swimming clothes on right away instead of having to change at the pool. She could just cover herself up with a towel until she was there. Her blue bikini top and boardshorts weren't very revealing anyways and it was pretty early so there wouldn't be many people around. After grabbing a white towel from the bathroom and putting on her flip flops she left her room, spotting a familiar face down the hallway.

Ame closed the door of their shared room behind him. He was also wearing shorts and a grey swimshirt. After seeing Lapis he quickly waved and closed the distance between them. „Good morning. So your room is on this floor, too?“

„Yeah, it's right here actually so we're just a few rooms apart.“

„Cool! Maybe we could do a movie night or something sometime. Order some pizza and all that.“

Lapis just smiled and nodded, both of them making their way to the pool in relative silence.  
She really wished Peridot would have come with them. I mean, she could have probably taught her how to swim, right? Why didn't she think of that sooner? She should have suggested that.

There weren't many people at the pool in the morning, most of the other hotel guests were probably still sleeping or eating breakfast.

Ame immediatly just threw his towel on one of the many chairs on the side and jumped right in, causing a giant splash.

Lapis on the other hand calmly folded her towel, laying it neatly on the chair besides Ame's and using the pool stairs to get in. He rolled his eyes at her, splashing her in the face as soon as she had reached him.

„Hey!“ She wasn't really mad, she just didn't expect it.

„Come on, loosen up a little.“ Ame splashed her again.

Without thinking, Lapis splashed back at him. She was suprised at herself for a second before Ame smiled at her. „There you go! Wanna race?“

This was all so silly but it also made her feel way less nervous about this whole situation, being here with someone she didn't really know. The way he acted like everything was just a big, exciting game made her loosen up a bit as well.  
It wasn' long till everything on her mind was pushed to the side. It was just her, the water and Ame desperatly trying to keep up with her.

They ended up doing a few laps, seeing who could hold their breath longer and talking about surfing for a bit before deciding it was probably time to leave.

She had to admit she didn't have that much fun in a while. It was nice having someone to hang out with you could just be childish with and not caring about being an adult for once. 

„So, wanna go get ready to head out and meet again in like half an hour?“

„Huh?“ Lapis was caught off guard by the question. Being in her own thoughts as always.

„To go meet Peri in town.“ He looked expactantly up at her.

Oh god, Lapis nearly forgot about that. How could she forget about meeting Peridot?! She had been the only thing on her mind since they met in the bus yesterday and there was nothing she wanted to do more than spend time with her but somehow all the fun she'd had with Ame really got her distracted for a while. „Oh, yeah, sure.“

They both made their way back to their seperate rooms. After a quick shower and a new change of clothes they both were ready to head out.

It wasn't raining like the day before and Lapis was thankful for that. It was actually quite nice out. The ride to Amsterdam Central was pretty short and quite. From the metro it looked like any other big city but once they got out of the station it was overwhelming. There was just so much to take in.

First of all there was water. A lot of it. And so many people. All the houses looked old and beautiful and were so narrow like they tried to cramp as much as possibly into little room. Same with all the little shops. There were so many in every street. It was impressive what they could fit in such little spaces.

While Lapis was looking around she nearly lost sight of Ame, who seemed to know exactly where he was going and just ignored everything around him.

„Wow, it's really cool here.“

„Yeah, it is. I've been here before so I'm kind of used to it already.“ He looked back and slowed down a bit so she could catch up.

„So, where are we even going? Did she tell you where she went?“ She had only realized now that she had been blindly following without really knowing their destination.

„She didn't but I have a wild guess.“

Just a guess? Lapis hoped there was a plan B to this, but she just had to trust him for now. They grew up together after all so he probably knew what he's doing. Still, the city was so big, she didn't know how he could possibly know the one place she would be.

After walking for like ten more minutes, Ame suddenly came to a halt, something in the distance catching his attention.

„Actually, I wanna go do something. See that shop right over there? Why don't you go ahead and I'll meet up with you two when I'm done.“ Before Lapis could protest Ame was already running off, seemingly excited about something. About what she couldn't tell.

She turned around to the direction he had pointed her to.  
„...“  
A piercing studio... of course. She'd never been to one of those before. It kind of intimidated her to be honest. There wasn't anything in particular she was scared of and she actually found it quite interesting, but something about entering one of those places made her feel nervous. Maybe it was because it was a place where people willingly got hurt or the fact that when they came out they had changed their body image permanently.

It took her a while to find the courage to finally go in. When she did she suddenly felt completely lost. It was pretty cramped in there, just like all the other stores. There wasn't that much light and it had a club like atmosphere with music playing. There were lots of glass cases showing all the jewelry they offered and posters of all the different piercings you could get besides small monitors with videos of people actually getting pierced playing on them. It nearly hurt looking at it and she quickly turned away.

She flinched when suddenly a big figure was standing right in front of her. It was a very big woman with light brown skin, rainbow coloured dreads that were up in a pony tail, wearing a black and pink tankktop and black, ripped jeans. She had a big tattoo on her left shoulder that looked like a black star with a triangle under it.

And there it was. She felt so intimidated she couldn't even move. The woman looked like she could simply crush her without even trying.

„Hey there. How can I help you.“ She gently smiled down at her.

It took Lapis a bit to find her voice again. „...uhm..I-I'm just looking for a friend. I'm not even sure if she's here...“

„Well, how about you tell me what she looks like and I'll see if I can help you.“

Surely but slowly Lapis started to calm down a bit. The woman was still intimidating to her but she actually seemed really friendly. „Oh... uhm... she has short blond hair, glasses, pierced ears and is a bit shorter than me...“

The womans seemed to suddenly realize something, a big smirk on her face, turning around to an open door in the back. „Ey P-dot! Your girlfriend's here to pick you up!“

„WHAT?!“ Someone yelled from inside the room, followed by a pained hiss. „Ow! God damn it!“

Lapis eyes widened while the woman in front of her just laughed, turning her attention back to her, offering her a handshake. „Peridot didn't tell me she had a girlfriend. Nice to meet you. The name's Bismuth, I'm a friend of the family.“

„Uhm, actually we're not-“ she got cut of when Peridot came out the door in the back, one hand covering her ear glaring daggers at Bismuth.

„Why are you looking at me like that? That was your own decission.“

„You distracted me!“ Peridot was still holding her ear, clenching her teeth in pain.

Bismuth crossed her arms in front of her. „Well maybe if you would have told me about your cute girlfriend...“ she motioned to Lapis.

„What are you-“ Peridots eyes met Lapis' and she blushed.

Lapis turned bright red herself. „...Hi.“


	5. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ame comes back and Peridot and Lapis go shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is super short again  
> I wrote this super quick and didn't prove read it even once so there's bound to be some mistakes in there
> 
> Aaaand, I got my first piercing last week so yeah :3

Peridot hurriedly grabbed Lapis' hand and pulled her out of the studio, only turning her head around to shout something back at Bismuth about coming back in a few days to pay.  
As soon as they were on the street Peridot let go of her hand which she was kind of disappointed about. „Sorry about that.“ Lapis wasn't sure what Peridot was apologizing for but she decided not to question it.

„So... is your ear okay?“ Peridot had lowered the hand that was covering her ear and it was a bright red.

„Yeah, it's fine. I just got another helix piercing and that prick decided to pierce right when I was distracted so I wasn't prepared for the pain. Thankfully I didn't move too much so it turned out alright.“ Peridot smiled at her reassuringly.

„I see.“ She wasn't sure what else to say so she was glad when she spotted Ame in the distance, walking towards them.

As soon as he was in front of them though Peridots smile became a look of disgust, and she had to pinch her nose shut. „Oh my god Ame! You smell terrible!“

Lapis could smell it, too. She tried not to be rude but she scrunched up her nose in reaction to the intense smell. She knew that smell...

Ame didn't seem to mind their reactions. He seemed really excited again. „Look what I got guys!“ He beamed at them.

„Don't tell me you-“

He put a hand in his pocket pulling out and holding up a small clear bag with what seemed like some sort of white sticks in it... oh...

„Are you serious?“ Peridot seemed rather angry now. Lapis wasn't that suprised though. They were in Amsterdam so it was understandable that some people might want to try this stuff out. She didn't think it was that bad if people smoked weed. It wasn't for her though. Not that she ever tried... everything that made her lose self-control scared her.

Ame lowered the bag, rolling his eyes at his sister. „Oh come on P! You won't get another chance like this and it's totally legal here. Don't be such a baby.“

Peri still had her nose pinched, now taking a small step backwards at the suggestion. „No way. You already smell that bad just from going into one of those stores. Besides, what would Pearl say?“

His eyes widened at the mention of Pearl. It made her curious who that could be if it got such a strong reaction out of him.

It took a few seconds for him to recompose himself before arguing again. „...Low blow Peri. Pearl isn't here though.“ He smirked, sure he had won, until he saw the look on his sisters face. „Oh no, you won't tell her!“

The blonde rolled her eyes but her voice seemed calmer now. „I won't. Not if you tell her yourself. You should be honest with her about stuff like that.“

Ame turned his gaze to the pavement, considering what she had just said. „...fine... I'll think about it.“

Now that the situation had calmed down a bit Lapis decided to give it a shot and just ask. „Sorry but, who's Pearl?

They both answered simultaneously.  
„Our sister-“  
„My girlfrie-“

They both look at each other wide eyed for a moment before Peridot facepalms. „Ugh, she's family.“

„Uhhhm... okay, let's just pretend I didn't ask.“ Perfect, that had made her even more curious. But she wasn't going to push either of them to talk about private family affairs with a nearly complete stranger.

„Well, whatever, I'm gonna smoke in my hotel room.“ Ame turned around to leave but Peridot grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him back.

„No you won't! It's my hotel room too! And I don't want to have to smell that the entire time.“ Lapis got that argument but on the other hand it was probably the safest place to get high. If she had a sibling she wouldn't want them to walk around stoned in a foreign country by themselves.

„I'll just smoke out the window. And I'm sure the staff has something to handle the smell.“ He yanked his shoulder away, effectively freeing himself from Peridots grib and walking away into the direction of the train station.

The blonde let him go but yelled after him. „Fine! Give me a call when you're done because I'm not gonna set a foot into that room till the smell is gone!“

He didn't even turn around to anwser. „Will do! Not sure how long this is gonna last though!“

With a heavy sigh, Peridot seemed to relax again. „I'll just... walk around looking at the city I guess.“

That was Lapis chance! She could finally spend some time with her. „We could do something together- I mean, if you want. I don't have anything else planned.“

„Sure, I'd like that.“ The blonde lightened up at the offer. Her mood immediatly lifting.

Now that they were alone though Lapis was unsure what to do. Someone as badass as Peridot had agreed to spend time with someone as boring as her. She really didn't want to waste the girls time so she should think of something to do, quick. She was about to open her mouth when the blonde spoke up. „So, do you want to walk around a bit? Maybe check out some shops?“

Well, that sounded normal enough. „Yeah, sounds good.“

They looked through dozens of stores of all kinds. Large malls as well as tiny shops in narrow alleys. They always found something interesting that they could joke and talk about in each store. When they walked past an interesting section in one of the big malls Lapis eyes fell on the hairdye aisle. „Is it okay if I check that out real quick?“

„Sure, go ahead. I'll be over there.“ The blonde walked over to the aisle right next to the hairdye one.

Looking through all the colours it took her a while to find something interesting. There were just so many colours but most of them were natural ones like all sorts of different browns. She ended up with a blue box in her hands, examining it with interest.

„I'm sure it would suit you.“

Lapis was so focused on the box that she hadn't realized Peridot had approached her from behind so she flinched slighty at being suddenly spoken to. When she turned her head she froze, blushing. The blondes face was only inches away from hers, looking over her shoulder at the box.

After a moment of akward silence she found her voice again. „...w-what?“

Peridot took a step back, giving Lapis enough room to turn and face her. „The hairdye. You should totally do it.“

„I... I don't know... I'm not even sure how.“

„Your hair is pretty dark so you'll have to bleach it first. I can help you if you want. I have some experience you could say.“ She unconsciously ran her fingers through her short blond hair.

„I mean...“ Why was she so hesitant about this? She had been wanting to do this for years now and just never had the guts. And now she was on holiday and a hot young woman that she totally had a crush on was offering to help her. Screw it. „Okay, yeah. Let's do it.“

„Awesome. So buy it now and I'll help you whenever you decide to do it. I'm sure it will look great.“ Peridots smile was infectious and Lapis was suddenly more sure about this than she had ever been about anything in her whole life.


	6. The Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet a dog. Most emotional chapter yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, short chapter for the sake of updating more often.  
> Side note: This isn't a dog I know in real life.

After grabbing something to eat they walked around town for about half an hour more before Lapis noticed that Peridot was kind of lagging behind. Turning around she saw the blonde quickly trying to compose herself, leaning against the closest wall trying to look casual.

„Uhm... you okay?“ Lapis looked at her with concern. Something was definitely wrong.

„Yeah, sure. I'm fine.“ The short girl answered quickly, waving her off. It didn't convince her.

„You look tired.“ 

„I... I'm just not used to walking that much.“ That much? They hadn't even been walking for an hour. How could anyone be exhausted that quickly? But maybe it was rude of her to asume that everyone had her stamina.

„Do you want to sit down or something?“

„Actually I would prefer going back to the hotel, but Ame is probably far from done yet so...“

„I mean... I have a room too. We could watch some tv if you want?“ It was the best Lapis could offer at the moment. It might come of as kind of creepy to invite a stranger into your hotel room, though... Well, too late.

Peridot looked at her unsure. „I really don't want to be a burden.“ She seemed ashamed and turned away from Lapis, looking down at the ground.

„You're not!“ She answered a bit too eagerly which startled Peridot. Lapis blushed at her own sudden outburst but the blonde gave her a small smile which she returned.

„Well, if you're sure.“ The shorter girl slowly started walking again, still a bit shaky on her feet.

„I am.“ When Peridot had catched up again Lapis moved a bit closer in case the blonde needed anything to hold onto, slowly walking beside her, their shoulders and hands occasionally brushing against each other.

Every time their hands touched Lapis desperatly wanted to just grab the other girls hand and hold it in her own but she didn't dare to. She still didn't know much about the other, they were practically strangers. But then why did she feel so connected to her? There was this strange feeling of familiarity and warmth whenever they talked or touched. She didn't exactly understand what she was feeling but she knew she was definitely strongly attracted to the blonde. There had to be some way to know if Peridot felt the same way without just blurting it out, right? How do normal people usually do this? She had to find some way to- Oh my god a puppy!

Lapis couldn't help herself. „Look! Look how cute!“ She pointed exitedly at the young dog making sure Peridot was looking in the right direction.

„...It's... a dog.“ The blonde looked confused about Lapis exitement. Lapis thought her reaction was absolutely justified.

The owner seemed to notice the overly excited girl staring at her dog because she caught her gaze and smiled at her. Lapis saw it as an invitation to come over and say hi. Peridot stayed a bit behind. The dog seemed really interested in the two strangers aproaching, wagging his tail in a friendly gesture.

„Hi. Your dog is so adorable. Can I pet him?“ Yes? Please say yes.

„Sure, go ahead.“ She wasted no time in kneeling down and petting the dog who seemed to appreciate the gesture and pressed himself closer to her till he was nearly laying on top of her legs. Only then did Lapis realize that something seemed off about him.

She stopped petting him to get a better look. He looked like a pitbull, white with brown spots and beautiful yellow eyes. Then she noticed one of his hind legs missing. It took her a moment to process this but she got pulled out of her thoughts really quickly when the dog started to lick her face trying to get her to pet him again. She giggled and immediatly complied. It didn't matter that he was a bit different. He was still super cute and cuddly.

Peridot didn't seem to think so though. She was standing about a meter away, watching the display with a frown. „Why would you want to adopt a broken dog?“

„Peridot!“ Lapis was shocked by the rude question and quickly covered the dogs ears which he was super confused about but kept wiggeling on her lap to get more attention.

To her surprise the owner spoke calmly, not sounding mad at all. „No no it's fine. I get this question a lot actually. He just has a really great character. See, I don't think he sees himself as broken. He's just like any other dog and can do everything the others can. I don't think he even knows he's different.“

„...believe me, he knows.“ Peridot crossed her arms in front of her, looking into the direction of the trainstation.

The owner and Lapis both frowned at that. Lapis looked down at the dog with a sad smile, cuddling him one more time before getting up, whispering „Thanks and... sorry.“ to the owner, then quickly turning to Peridot. „Let's keep going.“

Since they had already been close to the station it didn't take them long to get into a train back to their hotel. They both sat next to each other quietly. Lapis really wanted to know what was going on in Peridots head after a statement like that. But every time she tried to make eye contact the blonde seemed to turn away on purpose, avoiding her searching gaze. With a heavy sigh Lapis gave up, closing her eyes.

„It's just irrational.“ Peridot suddenly spoke up which startled Lapis a bit. She quickly opened her eyes to see the blonde still not looking at her, gesturing wildly with her hands but what she said was obviously directed at Lapis. „I mean, if you have the choice, why choose to burden yourself with a handicapped dog? It doesn't make sense to me.“ She looked angry but there was a sad undertone to it.

„I think... such decissions don't always have to be rational. If it clicks you just look past that. His handicap doesn't make him less of a dog or influence his ability to love. He can still be the perfect dog for her.“ Lapis wasn't sure how else to answer. She strongly believed what she said. If she was able to get a pet she wouldn't care about the breed, gender, looks or handicaps when she felt a strong connection.

„I just...“ Peridots voice was shaking and Lapis thought she could see tears forming in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away with one sleeve of her hoodie.

It was hard for her to see the blonde so sad suddenly. Had she said something wrong? „Are you okay?“ She scooted a bit closer to the short girl in an attempt to comfort her.

„Yeah.“ She suddenly felt a hand gently squeezing hers. All she could do was blush, looking over at the blonde who was resting her head on her hand, looking out the window smiling. Lapis thought her heart might explode.


	7. The Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis has a panic attack and Peridot confesses
> 
> (mention of abuse and violence)

Lapis kind of didn't want to reach their stop. She didn't want to let go of Peridots hand but she knew once they had to get up she would probably have to.  
To her surprise when the train stopped and she loosened her grip on the blondes hand the girl didn't let go. In fact, they only let go when they reached the door of Lapis' hotel room because Lapis had to get her keys out of her bag.

„Wow, this is so much smaller than ours.“ The blonde looked around curious like she saw the hotel room for the first time. Lapis had guessed since Peridot shared a room with Ame their room would probably look the same. Well, apparently not.

„It is? I thought you'd have the same kind of room.“

„Well... yes. But ours just has more room between the furniture I guess. So, wanna watch some tv?“

„Sure, you can lay down on the bed if you want.“ Lapis fetched the remote from the bed side table and climbed on the bed to lay on her belly, facing the tv.

„I'm just gonna sit, thanks.“ The blonde took a seat to Lapis' left.

Now Lapis felt kind of akward for the suggestion. Maybe the other still wasn't as relaxed around her as she thought she was. „So what do you want to watch?“ She started zapping through the various channels. There were some documentaries, talk shows, old movies, a drama show, the news-

„Wait, can you go back?“

Lapis switched back to the drama show. „That one? You watch that stuff?“ She herself hadn't really watched much of that show, she had seen a few scenes when looking for something to watch at home but it seemed really cliché. All that teenage forbidden love stuff wasn't really her thing.

„Uhm, sometimes. When there's nothing else to watch. It's not that bad.“ Peridot scratched the back of her head looking a bit embarrassed. „We don't have to...“

„No no it's fine. I've never really seen it.“

The blondes face brightened up at that. „You'll like it I promise. There's a very long special today so there will be multiple episodes in a row.“

Peridot was just so cute, she was barely able to handle it. If it made the other happy she would probably watch anything. And I mean, how bad could it be? She sure knew a lot about the schedule of that show for only occasionally watching it, though...

It took about 10 minutes before Lapis caught the blonde quitly murmering along with the characters. „It's the color war Paulette, doesn't that mean anything to you?“

Lapis didn't think she even realized that she had been talking out loud, that's how into it she was. She couldn't hold back a giggle. Peridot quickly turned around to her, blushing. „What?“

„Oh my god, you could have just said that you love this show. You are such a nerd.“ She was still giggling, the blondes face was just adorable. Peridot quickly turned her face away making a sound of disapproval.

„Don't be mad, I think it's really cute!“ The other girl turned to face her again, seemingly surprised by that statement, face bright red from blushing. When their eyes met she quickly turned her gaze downward at her lap.

Then one of the characters stood outside the window of the „other team“ and started singing some cheesy love song to another character who was inside. Okay, that was absolutely cliché but she couldn't help thinking it was also kind of romantic.

Peridot didn't think so though. „This is terrible. I mean, who does this? This is so embarrassing.“

„I don't know, I think it's actually kind of cute.“

„Pfff. He can't even sing!“ Peridot gestured to the tv with an angry expression.

Lapis just smiled, turning back to the tv.

About an hour later though she was also sitting up.The show had gotten really intense. A couple on screen was arguing feverishly about some stupid canoe race.  
She could see the blonde smiling at her, watching her reaction but she didn't really mind. Her eyes were fixed on the screen. Who would have thought she'd be so into this?

But then the scene escalated. One person hit the other in the face to which the other just stared in shock. „What?! Nothing more to say?!“ Another hit.  
Lapis eyes widened, she felt her heart starting to race. As quickly as she could she picked up the remote, turning the tv off. She knew she was hyperventilating at this point and the tears started forming in her eyes. All she could do was sit on the bed, hugging her knees to her chest, burying her face in them and covering her ears with her hands.

She heard Peridot calling out to her but didn't look up. „Lapis? Lapis?! What's wrong?“

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jerked away, now yelling at the other girl. „Don't! Don't touch me!“

The blonde didn't seem discouraged by her outburst. Instead she started to whisper to her reassuringly but refrained from touching her again. „I'm here. It's okay. You're going to be okay.“

It took Lapis several minutes to calm down. Wiping away the tears she looked up at Perdiot who was smiling at her, still concerned. „Are you feeling better? Is there anything I can do?“

Lapis sniffled before speaking up. „I'm fine... thanks.“

„I'm really sorry. I should have warned you. That scene was really heavy...“ The blonde reached her hand out to her but when she saw Lapis staring at her wide eyed and slightly flinching away she quickly pulled back.

„...I'm sorry, too. Sorry you had to see that. It's just... I've been in situations like these and seeing that just took me back to that moment and-“ She stopped herself when she felt a lump forming in her throat and the feeling of tears welling up again.

„I... I'm really sorry to hear that... I-I didn't know... but I promise you're safe. No one is going to hurt you.“

„That's... That's not...“ She turned her face away from Peridot, unable to look at her or even continue talking.

How was she supposed to explain that she had been in an abusive relationship but that she wasn't the one getting hurt... She had done so much since then to push those thoughts aside and control herself. The last thing she wanted was to hurt the people who were important to her but the fear was still constantly in the back of her head. It made physical contact scary sometimes because she always feared that she could snap at any moment. Like her touch could only hurt people...

The blonde looked even more worried now, seemingly trying hard to not just embrace Lapis in a tight hug to comfort her. That's when Peridots cellphone rang. She took it out of her pocket to check the message. When Lapis looked at her questioningly she sighed. „...Seems like Ame is done...“  
Then she shoved the phone back in her pocket and just sat there.

Why didn't she just leave now that she had the chance?

The other girl must have seen the confusion on her face because she suddenly spoke up. „I'm not just leaving you here after that. …Unless you really want me to.“

Lapis wasn't sure what she wanted right now... but thinking about the other girl leaving and being alone right now scared her. „Could you just... just like 30 more minutes?“

„Sure. No problem.“

They were both silent for a moment after that until Lapis spoke quietly. „Why are you even putting up with me?“

„Hm? What do you mean?“ Peridot looked confused, not quite getting what she was talking about.

She tried it again, a bit louder this time. „Why are you putting up with me? I'm a mess, I'm nothing special. You are so beautiful and cool and badass and I just...“ She tried hiding her face in her hands.

„Uhm... you think I'm all that?“ Looking up at her she found the other girl blushing again, playing with a strand of her messy hair. „I guess there's something I should tell you... I haven't been completely honest with you...“

Here it comes. She knew there must have been a reason why the other girl hung out with her. It couldn't have been just because she liked her. The thought made her heart ache and she wasn't sure she wanted to know the truth anymore.

„So... remember how my cellphone... uhm... “fell“ into your backpack?“ She made air quotations around the word „fell“. Lapis wasn't sure where this was going but she was suddenly interested again.  
„Well... okay I put it there on purpose when we bumped into each other because I thought you were super pretty and awesome and I was too scared to ask for your phone number and that other guy had already been hitting on you and I didn't want to be like him so I put it there as a reason for us to talk again it was a stupid idea my mother came up with as a joke once but I was desperate and wanted to see you again and oh my god sorry I'm rambling.“

It took Lapis a while to process everything Peridot had just said but when she understood she was speechless. Peridot... had actually wanted to see her again? So much that she risked her cellphone for it?

„Fuck I'm such an idiot, I can leave if you want.“ The blonde moved to get up off the bed but in a reflex Lapis quickly took hold of one of her sleeves and pulled her back on the bed, a bit closer than before. Realizing her impulsive action she quickly let go.

„You... actually wanted to... see me again? You didn't just feel sorry for me? And the- the hand holding from the train to here was... because you actually like me?“ Everything Lapis said seemed to turn itself into a question. She just didn't have enough self esteem to just accept that someone had feelings for her.

„Of course I wanted to see you again. And I started to hold your hand because I was really touched by what you said about the dog thing and then I didn't want to let go. Sorry about that, I should have asked...“

„Yeah, maybe you should have.“ Peridot looked hurt at that comment. „But I would have said yes. So no reason to apologize this time.“ She reached her hand out to place it on the blondes which returned the gesture by taking her hand in hers and squeezing gently, smiling up at her.

Lapis eyes quickly flicked down to Peridots lips and for a moment she thought about asking if it was okay to kiss her, but then she realized she was still too emotional from her previous breakdown to make such a decision right now. There would be enough time for such things later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to remind everyone to please tell me if you find any spelling mistakes or anything so I can fix it. I think that would improve everyones reading experience. Thanks :)
> 
> Shout out to my mother who inspired this whole story.  
> My best friend and I were planning to go to Amsterdam by bus which ended up being too long of a trip in the end (we went by train instead).  
> My mother liked the bus better and tried to encourage me by telling me I could meet my soulmate on that bus.  
> So I was like, yeah, sure, I'm going to meet my soulmate by sitting next to my best friend for over 20hours.  
> She tried to solve that by telling me to just switch seats a few times during the trip.  
> And when I told her that I would probably be too shy to even talk to a girl, not to mention actually ask for her phone number, she came up with the idea to just put my own phone in that girls backpack/purse so she'd have to contact/talk to me again... my mother has the weirdest flirting tips...


	8. Hairdye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „I'm really glad you're helping me with this. I wouldn't even know where to start.“ Lapis picked up one of the boxes that they had bought the other day. Even though she had thought of dying her hair multiple times she was never serious about it enough to actually look up how it works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not prove read this again so... sorry guys  
> And oh god so many feelings  
> part of this chapter is actually the first thing I wrote for this fic and I'm glad I finally got to use it

„I'm really glad you're helping me with this. I wouldn't even know where to start.“ Lapis picked up one of the boxes that they had bought the other day. Even though she had thought of dying her hair multiple times she was never serious about it enough to actually look up how it works.

At least she had read the intructions on the boxes before Peridot arrived and already prepared everything they would need in her little bathroom.

„I mean, I can hang out with you more so it's beneficial for the both of us.“ The blonde smiled at her and stepped closer, taking the box out of her hand and placing it down on the counter. „That is the dye so we don't need that quite yet.“

They hadn't even started yet and Lapis was already totally flustered. She was sure she would completely embarrass herself by the end of the day if this kept going.

She gulped before finding her voice again. „So, how do we do this?“

Peridot looked deep in thought for a few seconds before her eyes went wide in realization. „Uhm, so first of all...you know... We have to bleach it.“

„Okay...? So how does that work?“ Why was the blonde so flustered suddenly? Was something wrong?

She fidgeted a bit before continuing. „I think it would be easier if I put it in your hair since I can see better so we won't miss a spot. And... I don't- erm... that is some really aggressive stuff and... there's gonna be stains on your shirt if we accidently get some on it and... if you like that shirt you should probably... take it off...? Not saying you have to! You can put on an other shirt! I can turn away if you want.“

Oh god... The other girl was rambling and blushing now and Lapis was sure her face was just as red if not more. She thought about it for a moment, thinking about her options. She didn't have any problem with her own body. In fact she was pretty proud of it considering she worked hard to keep in shape. All the swimming she did definitely showed in her arm and back muscles. But would it get weird if she just... took her shirt off? On the other hand... a bit of flirting wouldn't hurt. And she felt pretty comfortable around the other despite not knowing her for that long. Besides, they had admitted yesterday that they were interested in each other so why hide? She had nothing to lose.  
Oh, and the shirt. She really liked that shirt.

Without thinking about it much longer she took her shirt off in one quick motion, revealing a white bra. Peridots reaction was adorable. She stared for a few seconds before forcing herself to look away, face red. „Uhm...“

Wait a second... „What about your hoodie? I mean... you could just roll up your sleeves...“ Now it was Lapis turn to look away shyly. What was she even suggesting?

At that Peridot looked back at Lapis. Uncertainty and something that looked like fear in her eyes.  
It was quite for a while and Lapis was ready to take back what she said, then the blonde spoke, voice unsure.  
„I- ...okay.“ She gulped. With shaky hands she took the hem of her hoodie and pulled it over her head revealing a black sports bra and... scars. So many scars. Peridot turned her head away from Lapis, closing her eyes, as if ashamed and waiting to be insulted.

Lapis quickly put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from gasping. The other girls upper body was covered in all kinds of scars, from small round ones to long thin ones. The scars began at her wrists, all hidden as long as she wore something with long sleeves. Lapis couldn't take her eyes off her. The sight in front of her caused flash backs to nearly overwhelm her and she felt another panic attack coming. She was barely able to hold it back, trying to breath slowly. Not again. This was not about her. She managed to calm her breathing a bit, hand now slowly falling back to her side. Her look of shock turned into one of concern. What did Peridot go through to look like this? The thought made her unbelievably sad.

After catching the look on Lapis face Peridot quickly put her hoodie back on.  
„This was a bad idea, I'm sorry.“ The blonde turned and walked out of the bathroom, Lapis following closely behind after putting her own shirt back on.

To Lapis relieve Peridot hadn't left the room. She was sitting on the bed facing the window with her head hung low. „I'm sorry you had to see that.“

Lapis sat down next to Peridot, while also trying to give her some space. She didn't want her to think she was disgusted but she also didn't want to push her right now.

„No, it's just... I didn't expect that. I'm sorry if you felt like I was pushing you...“ She wanted to hug her so badly... That was probably what Peridot felt like yesterday when in her situation. Lapis had appreciated her holding back so she would do the same for her.

They were both silent for a while.

When Peridot lifted her head to look out the window, Lapis didn't know what to expect.  
„You didn't push me. I decided to show you. I trust you.“ Peridot moved her hand so it was touching Lapis' on the bed. „I just hope I didn't scare you.“

Lapis took this as permission and gently took her hand into hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Peridot looked surprised but thankful for the gesture.

„It didn't scare me... If I had to put into words how I felt I would say, shocked and... sad.“ She wasn't sure how to deal with such a situation. Sure, she wanted to know more about Peridot and understand her feelings better but she definitely wouldn't push the other girl to tell her what happened. „You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.“

The blonde gave her a sad smile. „I wouldn't have showed you if I wasn't ready to tell you.“ She let go of Lapis' hand, which made her worry for a second, but shortly after the blonde had put her head on Lapis' lap, facing away from her, still looking out the window.  
Lapis whole body tensed at the sudden close contact.

„...is this okay?“ Peridot had closed her eyes and seemed completely relaxed.

It took a few moments for Lapis to get used to the unfamiliar feeling of closeness but when she did she found herself relaxing as well. „Yeah.“ One of her hands unconsciously traveled from the bed to Peridots head, tenderly stroking her blond hair. „Just... you can stop whenever you want.“

After taking a deep breath, the blonde began to speak.  
„And you can tell me if it get's too much for you.“ She glanced up at her briefly, giving her a reassuring smile before continuing.  
„I... didn't exactly have a loving mother and father you know. I grew up in an orphanage. Our caretaker... she... mistreated us... pulled us out of our bunkbeds in the morning, not caring if we hit our heads on the cold concrete floor, hitting us whenever we misbehaved. She was very skilled with that whip of hers... and a chain smoker. She didn't need an ashtray as long as we were around, let's put it like that... I...I just want you to know that I'm okay now and that it doesn't hurt anymore. It happened a long time ago and I didn't know any better back then. This was just how life was for me. It makes me even more grateful to have such loving people in my life now.“

Lapis had stopped stroking the blondes head halfway through the story. She couldn't help it. Tears began rolling down her face.

When Peridot noticed she shifted her position to lay on her back, now facing Lapis. „No, please... I'm sorry I made you cry.“ She reached up to wipe a tear away with her thumb, hand resting on Lapis' cheek.

„I-“ No, `I'm sorry´ definitely wasn't the right thing to say in this situation. She knew that much from all the times she had to hear those words after telling people her story. It had always made her feel pathetic. And Peridot was everything but that. She was so strong.

Now Lapis actually felt kind of bad for crying.... But she guessed it just showed how much she cared about the other girl. She quickly brought her hands up to wipe her tears away and finally found the words she was looking for. „Thank you for telling me.“

The blonde sat up now, opening her arms to offer a hug which Lapis gladly accepted. It nearly made her cry again but she was able to hold it back this time.

They held each other like that for what seemed like minutes when the blonde spoke up again. „I still really want to see you with blue hair, you know?“

At that Lapis reluctantly let go, leaning back to look at Peridot, both now smiling again. „Let's do it.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know how canon Peridot used to flinch at everything that she thought was a weapon  
> And Holly Blue Agate is really abusive with the gems she's in charge off  
> I wanted to put this in my AU somehow so that's where Peridots backstory comes from


	9. The Orphanage (Past)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter of Peridots childhood in the orphanage.

Her whole body ached. It had been the third time this week and she expected even more now that it was the weekend and they didn't have classes. 

She tried to lift herself off from the bathroom floor but fell right back to her knees when she felt another cramp hit her and she had to vomit again.

All she wanted was to ask for some pain medication and curl up in her bed... but she knew that asking for any kind of comfort would just result in an other beating.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she tried to get up again. Slower this time. She had to support herself with both her hands on the sink to keep upright.

The mirror in front of her was thankfully dirty enough so she didn't have to look at herself.  
She felt pathetic, weak... small. Why her? Why was this happening at all?

She wiped away a tear forming in her eye before it could roll down her cheek. No, she wouldn't show any kind of weakness. Not if she could help it. She had to be strong.

Washing her face she heard the door open behind her. „Peri? ...Are you alright?“  
Turning around she was greeted by a concerned look of her best friend. She was short like herself, her short blonde hair just slightly lighter than her own, her left eye bruised and nearly swollen shut.

All her own pain was forgotten for a second and replaced by worry when seeing the other being hurt this badly. „Amethyst... What... what happened to your eye?“

„Oh that?“ Amethyst brought her hand up to her eye, wincing when she accidently touched it a bit too roughly. „It's nothing, really. ...she hurt you again.“ It wasn't a question, Peridot wasn't sure how, but Amethyst could always tell when she was hurt.

„Uhm ,yeah... but it's not so bad this time. Nearly doesn't hurt.“ She tried to look casual leaning against the sink for support, flinching when the fresh wounds on her back touched the hard surface, but not allowing herself to react in any other way.

„You're bleeding.“ The other girl lifted her hand to point in her direction.

„I-I am?“ She knew it was bad, but this bad?

„Yeah. Through your shirt.“ The other took a few steps towards her, slowly as if trying not to scare her. „Can I see? I can clean them for you if you can't reach it.“

Peridot wanted to object but another stomach cramp suprised her and she fell back down to her knees, eyes watering from the sudden sharp pain.

Amethyst rushed to her side, knowing she couldn't do anything else to help, she settled for gently holding the other until the pain went away.

It hurt when the other accidently brushed against the wounds and bruises all over her upper body, but that was the good kind of pain. It always hurt when they hugged. Always. Every type of physical affection hurt. That was just how it was. She had learned to appriciate the contact despite the pain, because she knew it was ment to comfort her. And in a way it did.

When the cramps stopped she wiped away the tears again, looking up at Amethyst sitting beside her.

„May I?“ Amethyst gently grabbed the hem of her shirt and Peridot couldn't do much more than nod.

After lifting up her shirt Amethyst paused for a few seconds, examining the long, bleeding cuts on the blondes back. Then she took a piece of cloth out of her pocket, running some cold water over it, gently scrubbing Peridots back and putting some pressure on the wounds to stop the bleeding.

This time Peridot couldn't hold back the tears. She put one hand on her mouth to stop the sobs and pained cries. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to hear and find them.

_________________________________________________________________________

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find a comfortable position. It was too painful to lay on her back or stomach and her shoulders ached when she tried to lay on her side. After a while she just gave up. Just another night that she wouldn't be able to find any sleep.

„Psst. Peri?“ It was so quite that she was barely able to hear it but she recognized Amethyst's voice. 

„Huh?“

She heard the squeaking of the matress below her when the other moved and a head poked up beside her bunk bed. „Amethyst, go back to bed. If they catch you-“ She tried sounding strict while whispering as quietly as possible but was interupted by the other.

„We should run away.“ First she thought it could only be a joke but the other seemed completely serious.

Peridots eyes widened in shock and she answered a bit louder than she ment to. „What-“

Amethyst quickly covered the blondes mouth with one of her hands. „Not so loud you idiot, you're going to wake everyone up.“

After some unintelligible mumbling from Peridot Amethyst took her hand away again. „I'm the idiot? Are you listening to yourself? Do you know what will happen if they catch us?“

„Yeah yeah, but I know we can make it. Trust me. It will be fine. I just can't stand living like this anymore. If you can even call it that.“

„Where would we even go? We can't just leave without a plan.“

„Everywhere is better than here. And I actually have an escape plan. That hole in the fence... I've been woring on making it bigger and I think it's large enough to crawl through now. We can just... leave.“

„I-“ She was interupted by a bright light suddenly shining through the window in the door. Amethyst quickly scrambled back to lay in her bed and pretend to sleep just in time before the door opened and a tall woman stepped in. Peridot closed her eyes trying to steady her breathing as much as she could. The woman checked every bed with a fleshlight and after making sure everyone was in bed and sleeping she left, closing the door behind her again.

„Tomorrow, after breakfast, at the fence.“

Amethyst sounded so sure. Like there was no way this could go wrong. Statistically there were so many things that could go wrong! Their chance of escaping where probably below 5%! And their chances at surviving outside without a place to go were even lower. What was she thinking?!

Still she couldn't push the thought aside. There was actually hope. Hope to escape all this pain. No matter how slim their chances were, Amethyst was right. They at least had to try. No matter the punishment for failing. It couldn't possibly be much worse than the usual beatings.

_________________________________________________________________________

When she woke up the next morning she wasn't sure if she fell asleep at some point last night or just fell unconcious because of the endless pain. At hearing the alarm she reluctantly got out of bed with a groan. All she wanted to do was staying in bed and cry all day but she knew if she didn't get up now she would regret it as soon as their asigned caretaker started pulling the remaining children out of bed in five minutes.

Her and Amethyst exchanged a look while on their way to the dining hall and Peridot gave her a slight nod. This was it. She had decided. After breakfast they would escape.

_________________________________________________________________________

Peridot arrived shortly after Amethyst. It would have been too suspicious had they both walked off after breakfast together. There were both sitting in a bush close to the fence now, just staring into the distance.

Peridot was the first to speak up. „What do you think is out there?“

„Freedom.“ Was all she got for an answer. And that was enough for her. Looking back at the orphanage one last time they started crawling towards the fence.

Amethyst made it to the other side first, offering her hand to pull Peridot through. Just before their hands touched Peridot suddenly felt something grabbing her leg. „Peri!“

She was pulled back, grabbed by the arm and easily pulled up by two large, muscular women „Where the hell do you think you're going?“ All she could do was cry out in pain, the feeling of warm liquid running down her back. She knew her wounds must have opened up again at being handled so roughly.

When she saw Amethyst getting on her knees to crawl back through the fence to help her she found her voice again. „No! Run! Just run!“ Was all she could get out before being thrown to the ground, hitting her head hard.

„Shut up!“

Shortly before falling unconcious she saw Amethyst turn around and run off into the woods. „I'll come back for you! I promise!“

„Let her go. She won't be able to survive a day out there anyways.“  
And then, the world around her faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to not upload this but it is part of the AU and I was thinking about it so much that I just had to include it. Oh and, I'm sorry for all the suffering I'm causing...
> 
> Now that this exists I also plan on doing a chapter about Lapis' past later on.


	10. The Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis now has blue hair  
> They go to the club and stuff happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet
> 
> Song is Clean Bandit - Rather Be (Elephante Remix)

„Wow.“

„What? What is it?“ Peridot had told Lapis to close her eyes while she finished up her hair. She was so curious, she really wanted to see the final result. Peridots exclamation didn't make it better. Was it a good or a bad 'Wow'? She just needed to know! „Peridot? What?“

„...Are you sure blue isn't your natural haircolour?“

„Erm... Peridot?“ She was really getting impatient now.

„Oh, yeah, right. You can open your eyes now.“

She blinked a few times, her eyes readjusting to the bright bathroom lights. Then she saw her reflection. It was like she'd been looking for something her entire life and she finally found it... herself. This was it, this was her. „Wow.“ Bringing one hand up to her hair she touched it in disbelieve.

When she was finally able to look away she caught Peridot staring at her from the side, a dreamy look on her face. „Thank you for helping me. I love it.“

„Yeah, me too.“ Slowly coming out of her dreamy state and realizing what she had said Peridot quickly composed herself, clearing her throat before continuing. „I mean, yeah, no problem.“ There was a moment of silence before Peridot spoke up again. „So... I wanted to ask you something.“

„Hm?“ Lapis was facing the mirror again, playing with her hair absentmindedly.

Peridot looked down, twiddeling her thumbs, seemingly nervous about what she was going to say next. „Ame and I are going to a club tonight and we- ...I wanted to ask you if you want to join us.“

„Uhm...“ She was now looking at Peridot again. The other girl had taken up all her courage to ask her and still Lapis knew she had to say no. The last thing she wanted was to hurt the shorter girls feelings but she knew she would be uncomfortable the entire time if she agreed to join them and that wouldn't help anyone.  
„I don't really like going to clubs... I just don't feel comfortable with so many people around.“

„Oh... that's fine. Maybe we can do something together tomorrow?“ Peridot looked hurt for only a second before going right back to smiling at her. Lapis was so glad that she seemed to understand that is wasn't her she was rejecting.

„Yeah, sure.“ She gave her a bright smile, thrown off a bit when Peridot suddenly took a step forward to embrace her. When she regained her composure she put her arms around the smaller woman, holding her tightly.

_____________________________________________

Lapis couldn't sleep. There was this crushing feeling in her heart and her eyes burned from crying. She was unbelievably homesick. It was like she was losing herself.

Of course, she could just leave Amsterdam and go back home, but that wasn't the place she longed for. She missed the place she grew up in. Their beautiful house by the beach, the ocean, her old friends.

The whole point of this trip was actually to get some distraction. She thought that maybe a change in scenery would help her get rid of this terrible feeling. Apparently it only made it worse, but she wasn't willing to give up so easily.

Sure, she could just cry herself to sleep right here right now, but that would be giving in and she wanted to be stronger than that. All she needed was to distract herself completely in order to push all those other feelings away and she already had an idea.

She pushed herself to get out of bed, washed her face and got dressed. Then she headed out.

_____________________________________________

This place was so loud... well, of course it was, what did she expect? It was a club after all.

Why was she even here? There were so many people and flashing lights, it was just not her kind of place. But she knew she needed this. The music might just be loud enough to drown out her thoughts.

She had to squeeze through a crowd of people to get to the bar. If the way in was already this difficult she knew a quick exit would be impossible.

What the hell was wrong with her? Was the first thing she thought about when entering a club really checking the escape routes?

She took a seat at the bar, checking the menu when suddenly someone touched her shoulder. Startled she turned around to find a familiar figure sitting to her right.

„Come here often?“

As soon as she realized who it was she relaxed again. But seriously? That was the worst conversation starter ever. Still, she couldn't help but giggle. „Seriously Peridot?“

„What? That was totally smooth and you know it.“ The blonde took a sip of the drink she had in front of her. „So, what do you want to drink? It's on me.“

„Thanks but I don't drink alcohol.“ She tried to give her a reassuring smile, hoping she didn't offend her by declining.

Peridot looked confused for a second. „That's fine. You can order whatever.“

„A cola sounds good right now.“

Peridot ordered a large cola, then she looked back at her drink, suddenly unsure. „Erm... is it okay for you if I drink?“

The question surprised her. No one had ever asked her that before. Usually people didn't care if she felt comfortable or not, most of the time even trying to pressure her into drinking. As soon as she told them she didn't drink they usually told her that she was no fun and ignored her for the rest of the night. She had her reasons she didn't drink.

Suddenly confronted with this question now, she didn't know how to answer. Was she okay with it? She knew she liked Peridot... and wanted to talk to her, the real her. Not some drunk version of her. But it wasn't her choice to make. Who was she to tell someone she barely knew that they shouldn't drink.

„I- ...“ She didn't know how to explain herself and instead ended up staring at the floor, looking for something to say. When she heard a strange noise she looked back up, Peridot had pushed her drink to the side.

„Apple juice it is then.“ She told the bartender.

„Are you sure? I don't want to ruin your night.“ She instantly felt bad. She should have just said it was fine and not think about it.

„You don't. If anything you just made my night infinitely better by showing up. I'm not a big drinker anyways.“ Peridots smile reassured her and she relaxed again.

As cheesy as that was, Lapis couldn't help but blush. Peridot made her feel like she wasn't a burden, that her feelings were valid and that she genuinely cared. No one had ever made her feel that way before.

„Where's Ame?“ She hadn't seen him yet and it was also a good opportunity to change the subject.

„He's on the dance floor.“ Peridot motioned to the back of the big room where Ame was dancing with a tall woman with long brown hair.  
„So... I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here? You said you weren't the type for big crowds.“ She looked kind of confuzed now.

She was expecting the other girl to make fun of her for something as childish as feeling homesick. But something inside her told her she could tell her everything without being judged in any way.  
„I couldn't sleep. I felt pretty homesick so I needed a distraction. So here I am.“ Lapis took a sip of her drink, feeling self concious, still not sure what kind of reaction to expect.

„I know what you mean. I've been there. So is this working for you? The distraction I mean.“

A feeling of relief washed over her. She couldn't believe how good Peridot was. She listened. She understood. She cared. She made her feel safe. But somehow it still wasn't enough to make this feeling go away.

„Kind of... I mean...“ Peridot gave her a questioning look. „No, not really actually...“

The blonde looked like she was thinking about something. Then, after finishing the last bit of her drink, she stood up. „Wait here, I'll be right back.“

Lapis didn't want Peridot to leave, but she didn't stop her. She just sat there, taking sips of her drink. The last song faded out and there Peridot was again, standing in front of her, hand outstreched. „May I?“

Then a different song started to play. Lapis heart skipped a beat when she realized what was happening. „Uhm, I can't really dance...“

„Me neither.“ The blonde smiled at her, hand still outstreched. „But we can try it together. I promise it will be fun.“

After some hesitation Lapis took her hand, Peridot pulled her closer, leading her towards the dance floor.

When they arrived at the dance floor Peridot turned around to face her, offering her her other hand.  
Lapis took it. They started slow, Peridot gently leading her.

♫ „We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea  
But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be“ ♪

At first Lapis kept her gaze down, making sure she didn't step on Peridots feet. When she looked up to make sure she was doing okay she realized how close they were.

♫ „I would wait forever, exalted in the scene  
As long as I am with you, my heart continues to beat“ ♪

Peridot picked up the pace to match the song. Lapis felt more and more comfortable with herself.

♫ „If you gave me a chance I would take it  
It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it  
Know with all of your heart, you can't shake me  
When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be“ ♪

She was sure they looked ridiculous. Their slow dancing had turned into uncoordinated jumping, occasionally twirling each other, always going right back to holding hands. 

She didn't care about anything else anymore. There was only the two of them, loud music, laughter and Peridots hands in hers. Their eyes met and Lapis felt like her heart might explode.

_____________________________________________

„That was actually really fun.“ Lapis was pretty exhausted after all of this, breathing heavily.

„Yeah, we should do that again sometime.“ Peridot led them both back to their seats at the bar, only letting go of Lapis' hand when they sat down again.

A big figure suddenly standing behind her startled Lapis. Looking back and up she was face to face with a tall man, standing way to close for comfort.

„Hey cutie. Why are you wasting your time with her when you could talk to me?“ He motioned to Peridot, smirking down at her.

She just wanted to get away. He was way too close. „Leave me alone.“ She turned away from him, thinking it should be enough to make him understand.

A sudden pressure on her arm made her look back. He had grabbed her arm forcefully, slightly pulling her towards him. „Oh come on, don't be like that.“

Without a moment of hesitation Peridot stood up, walking over to grab his hand making him let go of Lapis arm. When he did there was enough room for her to put herself between the two. „She said no.“ The stranger towered over her but she stood her ground.

His smirk vanished, replaced by an angry glare directed at Peridot. „I'm not talking to you. How about you piss off shorty. She doesn't even want you here.“

How dare he assume something like that? Of course she wanted Peridot here. Why couldn't he just leave?!

Even though his statement seemed ridiculous to Lapis she realized that the words had hit Peridot pretty hard and she was getting unsure of herself, now facing the ground and looking to the side. Lapis quickly grabbed her arm in an attempt to show her she was wanted.

That seemed to be enough reassurance for Peridot who stood up to face him again, now a very angry look on her face, clenching her fists. „Listen! She said no and you are going to leave her alone, you understand?!“

The man moved his arm in her direction and Peridot flinched at that. It was now clear as day that she was just trying to look tough and in reality was just as scared as Lapis was.

„How cute. All bark and no bite. Come try it, dyke!“ The man gave her a forceful push, enough to make Peridot fall back against the bar, hitting the ground with a thud.

„Fuck.“ Peridot hissed through her teeth.

Lapis could just stare wide eyed at what was happening while the man laughed at Peridot. Why didn't she do something?! Anything?!

Ame noticed the commotion and came to help, kneeling next to Peridot. „Are you okay?“

„Yeah. I'm fine.“ She was sitting on the ground, leaning against the bar, clearly still in pain from the fall.

„What about your leg?“ Ame reached for Peridots right leg but she stopped him.

„I don't know... Can you help me up?“ Peridot put an arm around Ames neck and he slowly helped her up.

Their voices sounded far away to Lapis. Her thoughts were racing. She couldn't remember the last time she felt like this. She was so incredibly angry. He hurt Peridot! Who did he think he was?! Before Lapis realized what she was doing she was on her feet, fists clenched, closing the distance between her and the stranger.

Seeing her walking towards her he smiled triumphantly. „I knew you'd change your mind.“

In a sudden reflex she brought her fist up fast, connecting with his jaw. Taken by surprise he stumbled backwards, falling to the floor and hitting his head hard. He didn't move anymore. Still, Lapis just wanted to walk over to him and smash his face in.

„Lapis?“ Someone calling out to her brought her back. Back from wherever her mind had just gone.

Looking around she saw people staring. Staring at her and a guy who was now laying on the ground, blood running down his face. Startled she looked down at her hand, still forming a fist, her knuckles bruised. Her eyes widened in shock and she turned around. Ame was still supporting Peridot, standing a save distance from her looking shocked, concerned and... scared?

No. No no no. Not again. She hadn't wanted this. She never had. Why? Why now? The adrenaline still rushing through her was overwhelming.

„Lapis.“ Peridot slowly reached an arm out to her. Lapis flinched away, eyes shut tightly.

No! Don't get any closer! I will just hurt you too!

She had to get away. Just away from this place. Away from people. She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. So she turned around and ran.


	11. School (Past)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a bit more about Lapis past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me longer than I thought but I definitely wanted to include it.  
> Sorry, it's a "past" chapter again... but hey at least it's over 4.000 Words long this time and probably has twice as many mistakes in it than usual :P  
> Anyways, enjoy.

Lapis parents had always been overprotective. She wasn't allowed to go to any sleepovers as a little kid and not to any party as a teenager. Her cellphone and computer activities were strictly monitored by her father and her mother always picked her outfits. She didn't have a say in anything really and used every oportunity to not be home.

At an early age Lapis had learned that people can be assholes. She got bullied all the time because she was pretty much an outsider due to her parents not allowing her to socialize much. She was quite a quick learner though.

In order not to be bullied you had to be a bully yourself. Back then she didn't feel bad about pushing people around or steal their lunch money. She was only protecting herself after all.

It didn't take long for her to actually enjoy it. Finally she had control over something. She got addicted to that kind of feeling.

Lapis might not have looked like it but she was really strong. People easily underastimated her which she could often use to her advantage. Word got around pretty fast and no one dared to challenge her anymore.

It made her life much easier. Everyone respected her. No one harrassed her.  
No one wanted to be friends with her either... but that was fine. She didn't need anybody.

At least that's what she thought until that one day.

She was just trying to get some money out of a girl in an empty hallway. The girl was shorter than her, wearing a blue summer dress, long blonde hair with bangs covering her eyes.

„Listen, here's how this is going to work. You give me all the money you have on you and you can leave. How does that sound?“

When the other girl didn't answer and seemingly ignored her she grabbed her by the collar, pushing her against the lockers. The other girl grabbed Lapis arm with one hand in response. Her grip was cold as ice, it was uncomfortable but didn't stop her.

„Not a big talker, heh?“ When she still didn't get an answer she pushed a bit more forcefully, making the girl grit her teeth in pain.

„Leave her alone!“ Before Lapis could react she was forcefully pushed back, the shock causing her to let go of the other girls collar but still keeping her balance.

Another girl was now standing in front of her, about the same hight as the other. She had dark brown skin and curly hair, wearing boyish clothes. She had put herself between Lapis and the other girl. Did she really think she could protect her?

„Or what?“ Lapis could be really intimidating if she wanted to.

The long haired girl took the dark skinned girls hand in hers.

Lapis huffed at the gesture, bringing her fist up in a threatening manor. When all the other did was brace for impact, Lapis brought her fist down, punching her in the face.

„Ruby!“

Ruby was now facing the ground, trying to regain her balance.  
„I'm fine.“ When she looked up at Lapis again she was bleeding from the nose.

„Get out of my way.“ Lapis was furious now. She was making this way too difficult.

„Never.“ Ruby had fire in her eyes.

Lapis was caught off guard by the others willpower for only a moment. She had never seen someone acting like this before. Why did she take the punch for the other girl? This was totally irrational. And she made Lapis look weak. So she did the only thing she could think off. She punched Ruby again.

This time it took a bit longer for the other to regain her composure, left eye already red and swollen. Despite the pain she was in she still stood her ground. Still protecting the girl behind her who was now tearing up, holding Rubys hand even tighter.

Lapis wasn't sure what to do. What was she supposed to do if inducing pain didn't work to get what she wanted. She wasn't sure how to react.

Seeing the other girl still standing up for the other after being punched in the face twice... she would probably have to beat her unconcious before she would give up by herself. She knew she couldn't do that for multiple reasons, one being not wanting to get involved with the police.

She was so confused by what was happening. It didn't make sense. She knew she had to end this now. She had to end it in some way that didn't make it look like she lost. There was no way. No matter how she backed away from this it would feel like she gave in. She didn't care. She had to get away. Get away and think.

„You're not worth my time.“ She just turned around and left, walking down the hallway as quickly as she could, rounding the next corner. As soon as she was out of sight she leaned against the wall, slowly siding down to a sitting position.

She could still make out the two girls talking from this distance.

„Did she hurt you?“

„No, I'm okay. But you...“

„Who cares.“

„I do.“

Lapis couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She didn't know what she was feeling but it was overwhelming. Covering her face with her hands she hit her head against the wall behind her a few times before completely breaking down and becoming a sobbing mess.

About 15 minutes passed. When she had calmed down a bit she heard footsteps approaching and looked up.

A boy was standing right in front of her. Short messy brown locks, a smile on his face, hand outstreched towards her.

„Do you need help?“

_____________________________________________

„Did you hear about that new girl?“ Sapphire asked between bites of her sandwich.

„I heard she locked poor Ronaldo in a closet on her first day. The janitor found him after school.“ Ruby added, concerned. Obviously she had already talked with Sapphire about this so it was more directed at the other two.

„Maybe she isn't that bad you know. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to.“ Steven was always like this. Always seeing the good in people.

„Steven, she's a bully. Stay away from her.“ Lapis knew exactly what he was thinking. She wouldn't let him get himself in danger. He was the sweetest person in the entire universe and she had sworn to protect him at all costs.

„I'm just saying... you were a bully until-“ He wasn't looking at her, seeming deep in thought.

„That was different.“ Lapis continued eating her own food, thinking she made her point clear and the conversation was over now. Oh was she wrong.

„How was that different?“ Steven now looked at her with a questioning look.

„It just was, okay...“ Of course he wouldn't get the hint.

„We don't know why she is like this. Maybe she's the same.“ He turned to Sapphire now hoping she would agree with him.

„I'm not like her.“ Lapis snapped at him, actually quite hurt by him comparing her to just any other bully.

„I didn't say that. You have changed. But maybe she can too. You just needed a friend, maybe it's the same for her, that's all I'm saying.“

„I don't know Steven... she sounds dangerous.“ Ruby turned to Sapphire, looking worried.

„Yeah, well, so was Lapis.“ After realizing what he had just said he quickly turned to Lapis. „Sorry.“

„Fuck this...“ Lapis had enough of this. She got up and left, throwing the rest of her food in the trash. She wasn't hungry anymore anyways.

_____________________________________________

The next day she was late for school... again. When she finally arrived she was shocked at the sight of Steven greeting her in the hall on his way to the infirmary.

„Oh, hey Lapis.“ One of his eyes was dark and swollen but he still smiled. Of course he still smiled... Lapis was in front of him in seconds, grabbing him by the shoulders.

„Who did this?!“ Lapis was furious. Usually no one dared touching one of her friends because they knew about her and that she wouldn't hesitate to protect them at any cost. Whoever did this was going to pay and she had a pretty good idea of who it was.

„...Lapis please it was just-“ His smile faded. He tried to calm her down but she was way to angry to listen.

„I swear I'm going to kill her!“ Judging from his bruise and that he was just now on his way to the infirmary this must have happened pretty recently. She stormed off in the direction he had just come from before he could stop her.

„Lapis no!“ He reached out to her but she was already gone.

Lapis hadn't felt this angry in ages. Probably never actually. She wanted to punch the closest wall to let out some of the pent-up agression but decided against it. She didn't have the time and she'd rather save her energy for when she found her.

Then finally there she was. She saw her in the distance leaning against a wall in a back alley behind school. A big muscular figure with long hair.

When Jasper noticed her approaching she smiled and stood up straight to face her. „Hey look, it's the shorty squads bodyguard. What do you wan-“

She doesn't have time to finish the question. As soon as Lapis is in front of her her fist connects with Jaspers stomach full force.

Jasper clutches at her stomach in surprise, toppling over. Lapis supports her by the shoulder, bringing her face close to her ear, speaking through grit teeth. „If you touch Steven or any of my friends one more time...“

Then she takes a step back, punching Jasper in the face with all her strenght, making her fall to the ground. She's obviously in a lot of pain but Lapis doesn't care. It's not enough. There is still so much adrenaline rushing through her and she just can't push away that feeling. That addicting feeling of power. She kicks Jasper hard multiple times, only stopping when she isn't moving anymore.

How boring. She expected more of a fight from her. She huffs and turns around to leave. When she rounds the next corner she walks into Steven, Ruby and Sapphire all staring at her in shock.

„Lapis, what did you do?“

She doesn't stop to answer. She brushes past them, ignoring them completely.

„Lapis!“ Steven calls after her, then his eyes widen in realization.

All three of them quickly round the corner Lapis came from to find Jasper cowering on the ground.

„We have to call someone, quick!“

It's the last thing Lapis hears before she enters the school again. She doesn't care what happens next.

_____________________________________________

Lapis had spent the rest of the day like nothing happened. At lunch Ruby told her that they brought Jasper to the infirmary and that she's fine. Not that Lapis cared. A few days later she heard that apparently Jasper refused to tell the authorities what happened and who was responsible for her injuries. All the better for Lapis. She guessed Jasper was afraid of another beating if she ratted her out. Jasper hadn't actually harassed anyone else since then which also was a nice bonus.

„She's looking at you again.“ Ruby nods to her left.

Sure enough when Lapis turns to look Jasper is staring at her, quickly looking away when Lapis makes eye contact.

Lapis huffs, turning back to Ruby. „If she wants another beating she can have it.“

„I don't think that's it Lapis.“ Sapphire interjects.

Lapis gives her a questioning look.

„If she tried to challenge you she would actually keep eye contact don't you think?“ Steven tries to explain.

„So? Why else should she be staring all the time? It's obvious she can't live with the fact that I beat her ass that one time.“ Maybe Jasper was just so scared now that she constantly kept an eye on Lapis so she could run away in time. The thought that that big, strong girl would run away like a frightened little kitten the moment Lapis moved too quickly was quite amusing to her actually.

„Lapis... do you think maybe... you know?“ Ruby struggled with words trying to get her point across without being too straight forward.

It made Lapis impatient. „What?“

„She likes you.“ Sapphire suddenly spoke up again.

Steven and Ruby stared at her in shock that the usually quiet girl could be that bold.

But Lapis was probably the one the most shocked. After the initial shock had past though she was actually quite annoyed by the statement. „I beat her up Sapph. That's literally the only interaction we've ever had.“ Jasper liking her just didn't make any sense. How did Sapphire even get that idea? It was stupid.

Lapis got her answer immediatly. „I bet no one ever stood up to her before. That might have impressed her.“ Sapphire seemed so sure about what she said. Lapis was scared by the fact that that actually did make sense now that she explained it... even if only a little.

Lapis looks back at Jasper who looks away again. Is she... blushing? This is so dumb... but what if it's true? When she looks back at Steven, Ruby and Sapphire they are all looking at her, awaiting some sort of reaction. Shit, had she been staring this time?

Lapis clears her throat and tries to play it cool. „Pfft, what do I care.“ She continues eating her food so she doesn't have to talk anymore, but she can't help her eyes darting back to Jasper occasionally.

_____________________________________________

Sleep. Sleep... Sleep god damn it! What was wrong with her?!

She had caught herself thinking about Jasper more and more this past few days. And now it even kept her from sleeping.

„This is ridiculous! What the hell?!“ She turned in bed for what seemed like the millionth time that night.

Why was she even considering having feelings for the other girl? She hated her! She punched Steven! The worst thing anyone could ever do!

But Steven seemed to have forgiven her... That didn't mean anything! Steven always forgave everyone! That's just how he is...

She had never been confronted with someone having feelings for her. It was so weird. How should she even react to something like this?

It was torture...

Lapis didn't sleep that night.

_____________________________________________

„Connie said yes!“ You could clearly see the excitement in Stevens face when he announced this to his friends.

„Congratulations Steven!“ Ruby gives him a high five.

„See? I told you so.“ Sapphire winks at him.

Lapis ruffles his hair. „Good job.“

„So it's obvious you two are going together.“ He motions to Ruby and Sapphire. „But who are you taking to the dance?“

Lapis sighs and rolls her eyes. „No one.“

„Awww, come on! Why not? I bet there's a lot of people who'd want to go with you.“ He frowns.

„I'm... just not interested is all...“ Lapis looks away. „Besides, most people are still scared of me...“

„Not everyone.“ Steven shoves Lapis in the side and winks at her, motioning with his head down the hallway.

When Lapis looks she sees Jasper standing some distance away taking some books out of her locker.

Well fuck...

_____________________________________________

„I love this song! Come on let's dance!“ Connie jumps excitedly, grabbing Stevens arm and pulling him to the dance floor.

Ruby follows suit and offers Sapphire a hand who smiles and takes it.

„Don't you want to come dance with us?“

Lapis is leaning against the wall of the gym hall, crossing her arms in front of her. „I'm fine, thanks.“

Ruby frowns at that but then proceeds leading Sapphire to the dance floor.

She sighs, now alone. Not that she minds.  
While looking around for something to do she notices Jasper sitting on the opposite wall of the gym looking quite bored herself. Shit. She didn't bring anyone either? Okay Lapis play it cool. Just... do nothing. Ignore her.

She decides to just watch her other friends dance to get her mind off things. It works for a while... until someone taps her on the shoulder. When she sees who it is she nearly jumps back in surpise, heart racing. Shit... what now?

Jasper is standing right in front of her. Lapis actually has to look up to meet her eyes. Jasper is shyly smiling down at her, seeming unsure of what to say herself. „Uhm... dance with me?“  
Oh god. Lapis quickly looks around trying to make eye contact with Steven. When he sees her and Jasper standing so close he winks and gives her a thumbs up.

Lapis sighs, looking back at Jasper. She offers her her hand and Jasper takes it, seemingly overjoyed at her agreeing to dance with her.

They make their way to the dance floor. Lapis let's Jasper lead, reluctantly at first... she usually likes being in charge, but this... this feels right somehow. After a while she relaxes and is overwhelmed by a sudden warm feeling that she's never felt before.

Soon all she can think about is just how good and right this feels, how perfect they move together. It's like they are one. Just as this thought comes to her Jasper dips her. Their eyes meet and it's like everything else just disapears. It's just them now. Nothing else matters.

_____________________________________________

„Lapis... Lapis please. I'm worried about you.“ Steven puts a hand on Lapis shoulder, trying to get her to look at him, but she shrugs it away.

„I'm fine.“ Lapis keeps ignoring him, continuing to pack up her things. She really didn't need this right now. She was incredibly stressed lately. All she wanted was for school to end for the day so she could go visit her girlfriend and get rid of all this pent up frustration.

„But Jasper-“

„Jasper is fine, too.“ Jasper could handle herself. She didn't come to school today for... reasons. Of course Lapis new the reason but it's not like it was anyone elses business.

„You haven't been yourself lately.“ Steven still had a look of worry on his face. Lapis hated it... she wished he would just go away.

„Maybe I haven't been myself before. And now I am.“ She genuinely felt that way. She could finally let everything out without hurting anyone. Well... Jasper was okay with what they had. She always told her it was okay, even encouraging her sometimes. It felt... freeing.

„You know this isn't true.“

„I've always been like this. You didn't change anything. Jasper and I belong together.“ No one would ever accept her the way Jasper did. And Lapis was fine with being treated like this by her as long as she could just let everything out... She liked the feeling of having power over someone. In the back of her mind she knew that Jasper had just as much power over her but she would never admit that to herself.

„No... Lapis... We can help you.“ He was taking a few steps towards her now. It only made her feel cornered and act more defensive. 

„I don't want your help. I... I actually like it. Why can't you understand...“ She was having more and more trouble holding her anger back now. Why? Why did he have to push her like this?!

„Lapis... you are really bad for each other. This needs to end.“ When he tries to reach for her hand she finally snaps.

„No! Leave us alone!“ Slapping his hand away, a bit shocked at her own action she quickly grabs her backpack and leaves. 

_____________________________________________

„I'm... glad to have you back. We all are.“ She could see that Steven really wanted to hug her but kept his distance, respecting her boundaries. „I'm so sorry... this whole thing is my fault... You were right and I shouldn't have encouraged you to be with her.“

„It's my fault. I'm the one to blame. I chose to be with her.“ Lapis didn't see a reason in letting Steven believe it was his fault. No matter how much he had encouraged her, in the end it was still a decision she had made herself.

„Maybe... but I'm glad it's over. You shouldn't have to deal with this ever again.“ He tried to give her a small reassuring smile.

„You don't understand, Steven. You were right. Jasper and I are the same. And... I miss her...“ She hesitated, a bit ashamed to admit it, but it was the honest truth. She knew it was wrong but she couldn't help the way she felt. There was no use lying about it.

„No. I was wrong. You are different because you want to change. And we will help you. We will always be here for you. It's going to be okay.“ He made a move to hug her, but quickly stopped himself, unsure if she would be comfortable with it. This boy was just too good.

She wasn't so sure about the being okay part but she closed the distance between them and hugged him anyway. He returned the gesture immediatly, seemingly relieved. „Thanks, Steven.“  
She really hoped he was right.

_____________________________________________

With the help of Steven, Ruby and Sapphire it didn't take long for Lapis to find out that a good way to channel her anger was with sports. Whenever she felt the need to let it out Ruby would take her to go kickboxing. She didn't feel comfortable enough to fight against someone but at least she didn't have to hold back with the punching bag.  
Swimming was another thing. It served more to calm her and she enjoyed going surfing occasionally with Steven.  
Sometimes she even let Sapphire take her along to her Yoga and meditation lessons. She loved spending so much time with her friends. They helped so much in keeping her grounded and she finally felt more at peace with herself.

The hardest thing was still seeing Jasper sometimes in the hallway at school. That problem solved itself pretty quickly though because one day Jasper just stopped showing up. Apparently her family had moved again.

Finally everything seemed to be going well for her, until one day her mother was just sitting in the kitchen when she got home from school.

„Hey, are you okay? Why are you home so early?“ She was concerned because usually her mother was still at work at this hour.

„I have to tell you something. I kept it from you until now because I didn't want to make it more difficult for you than it has to be but...“

Oh no... Lapis eyes widened and tears formed in her eyes before her mother had even finished the sentence.

„We are going to move. To Europe. I got a new job there. You will have to change schools. I have already arranged everything. We will leave by the end of next week.“

Lapis could barely hear the last few words, everything around her becoming a blurry mess. Tears streaming down her face already. It felt like everything was being taken from her all at once. She fell to her knees, struggling to breath. Everything hurt. She felt completely helpless.

Lapis spend the next few days crying. Her friends and teachers let her.  
Why did this have to happen to her? Especially now that everything was going so well for her.  
She was so scared. So scared that the moment she left she would fall back into her old habits. She knew she would without the help of her friends.  
She also knew she wouldn't let that happen again.  
No matter what it would take.

_____________________________________________

Hugging Steven goodbye at the airport was probably one of the most difficult things she ever had to do. She didn't cry. She couldn't. There were no more tears left. But she didn't need to. Steven cried enough for both of them.

„I thought things would be different now... but no matter where I go I'm trapped.“

He hugged her even tighter. „No. You've changed. And maybe it won't feel like home right away but that can change too.

She reluctantly let go of him when her mother called for her to hurry or they would miss their flight. She wouldn't mind the plane taking off without her but she knew there was no such easy solution to her problem. Turning around she waved her friends goodbye one last time before boarding the plane knowing that she might not ever see them again.


	12. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

She didn't dare to stop running for even a second until she was back in her hotel room. Even though her lungs were burning there was still so much adrenaline rushing through her. Throwing herself on her bed she started screaming and crying into her pillow.

She doesn't remember falling asleep that night but she must have at some point because someone knocks on her door way too early the next morning startling her awake.

Slowly sitting up she rubs at her eyes. What even happened last night?  
Another knock.

„Go away!“ She was just so tired.

„Lapis? It's me, Ame.“

Wait... Ame? Shit. Images of last night suddenly flash before her eyes. The club, Peridot wincing in pain, that stranger, blood, her clenched fist. Oh no...

She can't remember ever getting out of bed that quickly, running to the door of her hotel room opening it as fast as she can, grabbing a surprised and shocked Ame by the shoulder and pulling him inside. „Is Peridot okay?!“

„Woah, Lapis calm down. She's fine. She's still sleeping. I wanted to talk to you first... I had to hold her back yesterday, I thought you might want some time to yourself.“ He seemed pretty calm, not scared of her sudden outburst at all, giving her a reassuring smile.

After realizing how hard she was grabbing his shoulder Lapis quickly let go. „Shit, I'm sorry... Ame... what did I do? All I remember was that guy, and blood, and Peridot being hurt, and-“ She could barely stop the tears from coming. What had she done... She would never forgive herself if she hurt Peridot in any way.

Seeing how shaken she was, Ame's expression changed to one of concern, slightly touching her arm to get her to look at him. „Okay, shhh, calm down, everything is fine. That guy pushed Peri around so you hit him so hard he fell unconscious. He's also okay by the way.“

„So I didn't hurt her?“ A wave of relief rushed through her.

„What? No! You protected her. It was really badass actually. Peri wanted to run after you but... after that fall she kind of couldn't...“ He didn't look at her when saying that last part. Lapis felt terrible. She knew he blamed her for Peridot getting hurt, he just didn't say it.

„Good thing she didn't. She shouldn't be around someone like me.“ Lapis dropped her gaze, not able to look at Ame anymore.

„Lapis, what do you mean?“ He seemed geniunely concerned about her. Lapis didn't understand why he even cared about someone like her.

„I-... I'm violent and abusive and unpredictable. She has already suffered through so much I don't want her to ever get hurt like that again. Especially not by me...“ The last thing she wanted was to hurt someone she cared about. And that was exactly what was going to happen if she kept seeing Peridot.

„Listen, I don't know what you did or why but I know that Peri has been talking about you non-stop since she left that bus. She just adores you and how kind you are and she hasn't told me a single bad thing about you all this time.“ Ame had grabbed Lapis arm while talking in an effort to reassure her.

Lapis reflexivly pulled away her arm, forcing him to let go. „She doesn't know me.“ 

„But she really wants to get to know you. She thinks you're mad at her for what happened yesterday...“ Ame seemed desperate now. Desperate to make her understand how Peridot felt.

...she had made Peridot think it was her fault. Lapis felt even worse now. „What? Why would I be mad? She didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who messed everything up...“

„Maybe you should talk to her about that. I'm actually here to say goodbye. I got a phone call yesterday and they need me back home. Peri will be here for a few more days so... I was hoping you could look out for her a bit.“ How can he just say that now? Why would he trust her with his sister after this? Nothing made sense to her anymore, it was just all too much. And besides...

„I... I'm actually supposed to leave tomorrow.“

„Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Does Peri know?“

„No, we didn't really talk about that.“ The last thing Lapis had wanted to think about when spending time with Peridot was when she had to leave and say goodbye...

„You should definitely talk to her. I know you like each other and I'm sure neither of you want it to end like this. Please promise me you'll talk this out.“ Why did he seem so confident in what he was saying... how could he know how she felt and what she wants if she wasn't even sure of anything herself.

„You don't understand... I'm so scared that I might hurt her.“

„Lapis... If you just leave tomorrow without talking to her she will be very hurt... and I think both of you might regret not giving this a chance. I can see how much she means to you so I can't imagine you hurting her.“

Lapis still couldn't look at him... he expected so much of her, how could she promise anything like that? „I can't promise anything right now... but I'll try.“

„That's good enough for me. I'm really sorry but I should go... I'm going to give you my number in case you ever want to talk, okay?“ He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket that had a phone number writen on it and handed it to her. Lapis hesitated at first but then she took it and put it in her own pocket.

„Okay... thanks. It was really nice meeting you, Ame.“ It took all of her willpower to look up to meet his gaze again but she didn't want to be impolite. Especially not if this was the last time they saw each other.

Before leaving through the still open door he turned around to look back at her one last time. „Who knows, we might see each other again someday. This doesn't have to be goodbye you know. So... See ya dude.“

„See ya.“

As soon as Lapis closed the door she leaned her back against it, slowly sliding down into a sitting position with her face burried in her hands. What was she supposed to do now? She told Ame she would try... but could she really?

She would leave tomorrow... it would be so easy to just avoid seeing Peridot until then. It would be best for the both of them, right? Why did she even let it get this far? Peridot would get hurt no matter what she did. The sooner she would be out of her life again the better. The blonde would just forget about her in a couple of weeks or even days and everything would be okay.

A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts. How long had she been sitting here on the hotel room floor? She didn't know and she didn't really care either. Another knock. What was it with people knocking on her door in the early morning?

“Lapis? Are you in there? I just want to talk.”

Oh no... Peridot.

“Lapis, please open the door.” The short girls voice sounded sad and desperate. It broke Lapis' heart...

Shit. What was she supposed to do now? She didn't think Peridot would show up at her room. Of course she would... She could just pretend she wasn't there, that would probably be her best option.

„I know you're in there! Don't make me do this!“

Damn it, did Ame actually tell her she was here or did she just assume? And what was she planning? Lapis really hoped she wouldn't try and break down the do- ...where did that music suddenly come from... Wait. Is that a guitar? Oh god. Was she really going to-

“Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates  
So where do we begin?  
I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me  
So how do we win?”

For a few seconds all Lapis could do was sit there, shocked, trying to process what was happening. Her heart was racing. Peridot was actually... singing for her? She knew Peridot thought of stuff like that as terrible and embarrassing... and now she was really doing it for her because Lapis had said she thought it was kind of cute? Just... for her?

“Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates  
Won't be alone again  
I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me  
So how do we win?”

“Shut up! It's seven in the morning! People are trying to sleep!” Lapis heard the man shouting from down the hallway... How dare he interrupt this wonderful girl singing a beautiful song for her?! If he says one more word-

“How about you shut up?! This is important!” The music and the singing had stopped and Peridot was now yelling back. This couldn't end well...

“Don't make me come over there!” The man sounded really angry now.

“I'm not scared of you! Fight me!” What was Peridot thinking?! She was way too small and fragile for this!

“Okay, I've had enough!” There was angry stomping now and it was coming in her direction. That guy was serious!

Shit! Lapis had to think fast. She stood up as quickly as possible and opened her door to see Peridot, a guitar in hand, looking furious at someone some distance to the right that Lapis couldn't see.

The blonde hadn't even realized Lapis had opened the door until she grabbed her arm and yanked her into her room. What Lapis wasn't prepared for was that this took Peridot by surprise, causing her to fall and pull Lapis down with her. They both landed on her hotel room floor with a thud.

When Lapis opened her eyes again Peridots face was just inches from hers. Wow, her eyes were even more beautiful up this close. Her eyes flicked down to the shorter girls lips. They were so close. She could just lean in right now and...

A sudden pain in her left shin stopped her from finishing that thought and she hissed in pain.

“Shit, sorry! What's wrong? Are you okay?” Peridot struggled to push herself up and off of Lapis which only made the pain worse. Something was definitely pushing against her shin uncomfortably.

“Ouch, shit, don't move. I think the guitar is on my leg and you're pushing it down because it really hurts.” Right when she finished that sentence Peridot froze on top of her, eyes wide in shock. Did she say something wrong?

“Uhm...” Peridots eyes kept flicking to her left and back to Lapis.

Confused about the blondes reaction Lapis turned her head to check what she kept looking at.  
It was... the guitar. Laying right next to them. But then what was...

“Lapis... I think I should probably tell you something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys! A lot of stuff has been happening lately  
> Ahhhh! Guys, you are all so nice but maybe I should mention it's mostly been very good things!


	13. The accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big secret about Peridot is finally revealed :o  
> Peridot pov for a change

„One day the police came and took Miss Diamond and some of the staff with them. You can't imagine how scared we were.  
It was terrible there but at least we had a roof over our heads. If the orphanage closed we would all have to live on the streets.

Well, turns out the person who informed the police had bought the house right away. She decided to take over the orphanage and we were all allowed to stay.  
The next day she had fired anyone who wasn't fit for their job and brought in some new people. Pearl and Garnet were two of our new caretakers. 

Both pretty young, in their early twenties. I later found out those two were the new directors daughters. Adopted I might add.  
Of course we were all still terrified. All those new people. At least with Holly we knew what to expect.

So let's just say... I was 10, scared and creative... I might have set some seriously dangerous traps up. Or maybe not so dangerous because most of the time they were pretty obvious.  
Whenever our caretakers found them they just removed them. You can imagine little me being pretty pissed about them touching and destroying my stuff.

One day they caught me setting one up outside. Fearing the punishment, I ran. And they ran after me, shouting. I don't remember if I didn't hear what they were shouting or if I just didn't care. Turned out they tried to warn me because I was running straight towards a busy road... the next thing I remember is being in the hospital.

Garnet and Pearl were sitting besides my bed, tears in their eyes. I didn't know what was going on, I was just so tired. The moment Pearl realized I was awake, she jumped up and hugged me tightly. The movement of my body made me realize something was wrong... I couldn't feel my leg.  
Lapis... I lost my right leg in that accident.“

They were both sitting on Lapis' bed now and when she was done talking their eyes met for only a moment before Lapis looked away again, but in that short time Peridot could see this look of... pity in her eyes. Like she was a wounded animal. She was used to it by now...  
“Peridot, I'm... I don't know what to say... I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know.” At least Lapis was able to look at her again when saying this.

The fact that Lapis reacted like everyone else nearly made her regret telling her. Would she treat her differently from now on?

“Please... don't apologize. I'm okay, really.” She didn't want to regret being honest with her. This could still work. Lapis was probably just shocked and needed some time to process this.

She noticed Lapis eyes flicking to Peridots right leg and back to the side, unable to meet her eyes. Of course she would be distracted by that from now on...

“Uhm... do you want to see?” Peridot knew Lapis wouldn't stop glancing at her leg until she saw, so might as well get it over with.

When Lapis realized she got caught she quickly looked away again. “What? No, sorry, I just-”

“It's fine really. I know you're curious. Everyone is. It's really better to just get it over with.” She was still very self-concious about it and not sure how comfortable she would be with Lapis staring, but then again, she trusted Lapis so she slowly pulled up her right pant leg to reveal her prosthetic. Peridot expected her to be at least a bit shocked but Lapis just examined it with interest.

With surprise she realized that it didn't make her as uncomfortable as it usually does but she could still see that questioning look in Lapis eyes when they met hers again. “I'm not taking it off.” She knew it wasn't a pretty sight and she didn't want to risk Lapis being repulsed by her body. A bit hastily she lowers her pant leg again.

“Oh, no. You don't have to. Whatever you're comfortable with. Thanks for telling me and showing me.” Lapis seemed much more relaxed now. She didn't give her that look of pity anymore either which Peridot appreciated and made her relax a bit more herself.

“No big deal really. I trust you.”

“So is this why you couldn't go to the pool with us?”

Of course Lapis would remember that part. “Oh. Yeah that's why... I would love to swim but...” She motions to her prosthetic leg.

“What's stopping you?” Lapis looks at her questioningly. Did she not pay attention at all these past 15 minutes?

“Uh...” Peridot motions to her prosthetic more aggressively.

“I've seen amputees swim. You know it's doable, right?”

What? How would Lapis know something like this...? “I'm sorry but where and why have you seen amputees swim?”

“Peridot, I absolutely love water and swimming. You see a lot of things when you go to the pool almost every day.” 

Peridot could see Lapis eyes light up when talking about swimming. She really seemed passionate about it, but... “I'm not going to take my prosthetic off in front of people Lapis.”

Lapis seemed a bit disheartened at that. “The pool isn't closed at night and there is rarely anyone there that late so... we could try together?” She shrugged.

“I'm sorry but I'm not taking it off in front of you either. I trust you but... I'm just very self conscious about it.” No matter how much she wanted to or how much she wanted to make Lapis happy by going swimming together she just... couldn't. People would look at her weird, think she is disgusting or say mean things to her. Happened before so why would it be different now.

“Oh... of course. Sorry.” The disappointment in Lapis' voice broke her heart.

It was silent again for a while. Wasn't there anything she could do? She wanted to do something to make Lapis feel better but she just couldn't bring herself to take of her prosthetic... she was just way too scared.

“Peridot.” Lapis suddenly speaking up startled her.

“Huh?”

“I'm leaving tomorrow.” Lapis didn't look at her when saying this. She just kept staring out the window, but Peridot's eyes widened in shock. That was just not enough time. She had started to open up to Lapis, this couldn't end now.

“Why?” Was all she could get out.

“What?” Lapis looked at her confused now.

“Why do you have to leave?” She knew this was a stupid question. Of course she had to leave sometime. This was just a vacation after all. But why now? Why so soon?

“I... I didn't expect to make friends here. I only booked the hotel room for four nights. It was supposed to be a short vacation...”

“That's the only reason you have to leave? So you could stay longer if you had somewhere to stay?” It was a stupid idea but Peridot was desperate. She was just not willing to let this end yet.

Lapis thought about that for a few seconds before nodding. “I guess so... Yes I could.”

“I still have a double room booked for a few more nights you know. And Ame is gone so... just an offer though.” This was the only thing she could think of... and it wasn't that weird, right? 

“...You want me to stay in your hotel room with you?”

Oh no. Lapis thought it was weird. Why did she even suggest it? She just told her about her disability, of course she wouldn't want that. She had to save this somehow. “I mean, it's already paid for and it would be a waste otherwise. It's just the rational thing to do.”

Lapis raised her eyebrows at that. “So you want me to stay to not waste the money? That's it?”

“...” Shit. No that was not what she meant. She sounded like an asshole now but she didn't know what to say.

“Peridot?” What did Lapis want her to say...

Fuck it. “... no.”

“No?” Lapis obviously wouldn't stop until she got an answer.

Peridots could feel her heart beating hard in her chest. She would be surprised if Lapis couldn't hear it and she knew she was blushing too. It was now or never. Lapis would leave tomorrow if she didn't say anything and she would regret that forever. “I want you to stay because... because... I really like you. There. I said it. I like you and I want to spend more time with you. Happy?”

Lapis eyes widened a bit in surprise at Peridot's sudden outburst but it seemed like she still wasn't happy with that answer. “You like me?”

“...yeah.” It took her so much willpower to say that, what more could she want from her.

“Like in what way?” Lapis seemed genuinely curious. Peridot knew there was no way she didn't know by now, but apparently she just wanted to hear it... Lapis also leaned in more and more the longer this conversation went on. Her face was so close to hers, which distracted her immensly and just made her even more nervous. That was the first time she fully realized how beautiful her blue eyes were.

Why was this so hard for her to say? She couldn't even look at Lapis. What was she scared of? Rejection? If she did get rejected then at least she tried, right?  
“Like... I like like you... That kind of like.”

The moment she finished that sentence she felt a hand gently cupping her cheek, turning her head so she was facing Lapis again who was now just inches away from her face now. “I like like you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tfw your crush asks you how you feel about them and you're just a shy and nervous wreck...


	14. The kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Lapis might not have to leave just yet

Peridot forgot who leaned in first. It didn't matter in that moment. The moment their lips touched everything else seemed to just fade away. Lapis' hand was still on Peridot's cheek and her touch was so gentle and warm. Her lips felt so soft against hers, she never wanted the contact to end. She could feel her heart calming down the longer the kiss went on, neither of them wanting to break away first. When they did Peridot slowly opened her eyes to see Lapis, dreamy look on her face, smiling at her.

“Woah...” Peridot subconsciously brought her fingers up to her lips. She was in disbelieve. Did this really just happen?

“Peridot?”

Her mind was still in a haze. That was... incredible. Peridot didn't know a kiss could feel that good.

“Peridot? Are you okay?” Lapis' smile slowly faded when the other girl didn't answer. Had she made a mistake? Why did she assume that Peridot wanted to kiss her just because she said she liked her. She was so stupid. Why did she even kiss her in the first place. This was just prove that she couldn't control herself. If she already couldn't control herself in this situation she didn't even want to think about what would happen later on.

“So... is that a yes?”

“...What?” The blue haired girl had been so deep in thought that she almost didn't realize when Peridot asked her a question and was looking at her expectantly.

“My hotel room... are you going to stay?” The blonde looked at her with big puppy eyes. Oh no.

Lapis didn't really know what to say. She knew she had to say no. The closer they were and the more time they spent together the higher the chance that she would end up hurting her. “What about yesterday?”

“Oh...” Peridot frowned and looked down at her lap, fidgeting with her hands. “I know I fucked up... I'm sorry about that.”

Peridot's apology came as a surprise to Lapis. What did she even apologize for? The blonde hadn't done anything wrong in her eyes. “Wait...What do you mean?”

“That guy was harassing you and I couldn't stop him. And then you had to step in and save me and I'm really sorry I got you in trouble...” The shorter girl seemed genuinely upset about all of this, thinking she messed up and it was her fault.

How could she even think about that after watching Lapis beat a guys face in. “Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong...” Peridot perked up at that, now looking up at her again but Lapis couldn't hold her gaze for long. The other just seemed so innocent and pure and she still felt ashamed of herself and what she had done. “Aren't you scared of me?”

“Scared?” The blonde's expression changed to one of confusion. “Why would I be scared of you? You protected me.” She really didn't get it, did she?

Lapis really didn't want to have an argument or talk about her past right now. Even though she appreciated Peridot showing her her vulnerable side and opening up to her she really wasn't sure if she could do the same for her just yet. Considering they only met four days ago it was crazy how close she already felt to the other girl. Being around her just felt right for some reason. And no matter how scared she was or how selfish it seemed, she just really didn't want to give that up just yet.  
“Okay, I'll have to call my mother and tell her I'll be gone a bit longer.” Her mother really wouldn't like that... but she can't control her forever, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was gone for months and this chapter is so short! I will try to be better but I can't say when the next chapter is going to be ;n; (also, I suck at writing kiss scenes... sorry about that too)


End file.
